Parts of You
by Lady Callista
Summary: Chakotay helps Kathryn regain her memories after the events of "Workforce," and gets more than he bargained for when the ones that resurface first are all moments spent with him, and not just professionally. How will the conclusions Kathryn draws about their relationship affect it once she remembers everything?
1. Drawing the Wrong Conclusion

Disclaimer: Star Trek Voyager belongs to Paramount, the writers, and whoever else can legally claim it. I am writing for fun and not profit.

AN: There are really only so many good episodes to make even better by use of fanfic, and it's hard to write anything about them that hasn't already been done. But I've tried my hardest. I've seen plenty of fics on the aftermath of Workforce, but have yet to find one showing the idea my muse gave me. I know the Doctor said that it wouldn't take the rest of the crew as long to get their memories back as it did B'Elanna, but I started to think about what that process could look like. And how remembering certain things before others could lead to some very mistaken impressions. J/C all the way! Please let me know what you think!

* * *

Parts of You

By Lady Callista

"_A part of you has grown in me. And so you see, it's you and me_

_Together forever and never apart, Maybe in distance, but never in heart."_

=/\=

Chapter One: Drawing the Wrong Conclusion (Or the Right One, Sort-Of)

=/\=

"How long will it take until everyone is back to normal?" Chakotay asked the Doctor quietly, looking out through the clear walls of the office into the rest of Sickbay.

"The process will be faster than with Lieutenant Torres, thanks to several modifications in the procedure that I managed to discover." Back in his normal blue uniform, the EMH was imputing data into one of the wall panels. "However, it will still take around 6 hours for their memories to fully resurface, and external stimulus will still be needed."

"External stimulus?" Having not been aboard ship during B'Elanna's recuperation, and not having had time yet to read the reports, Chakotay was confused.

"It's the reason everyone is still sedated, Commander." The Doctor replied. "Although the few with the captain were calm, having come to believe your story, the rest of the crew believes they have been kidnapped. I flooded the cargo bays they were transported to with anesthetizine gas a few moments after I saw all the panic and confusion the trip had caused."

"That has what to do with external stimulus?" Chakotay snapped, then immediately took a deep breath. The stress of the past several days had definitely taken its toll on him, and that was with keeping the part that had bothered him the most locked in the deepest corner of his heart. "Sorry, it's been a long week."

"The process is much the same as treating an amnesia patient." The Doctor's glare faded at the look of exhaustion on Chakotay's face. "In addition to the medication, the person must be familiarized with their life again. Shown around their quarters, told who is in pictures, exposed to the scents of their favorite foods, and so forth. The medication will not work alone, the brain must be stimulated to begin using those neural pathways again. As there are only four of you currently able to help, I will wake only four patients."

"Three, Doctor." Chakotay interrupted. "One of us has to stay on the bridge."

"Well, I had assumed we could reactivate the ECM, and…"

"Afraid not, not with most of the crew still sedated. I'll need you to be monitoring them constantly." Chakotay interrupted him again.

"Very well, then, three to start. That will still allow us to acclimate everyone within 42 hours, which is an acceptable time to keep them sedated. I assume you will take the bridge, so which officers would like to be awakened first?"

"Harry's going to take the bridge. We're staying in orbit around Quarra at least until enough of the crew is back to normal to have the ship fully staffed. Maybe longer if the authorities want us to, they said they still had some things to talk to us about." Chakotay said at once. "In the meantime, I'll be more useful helping the captain acclimate."

"You do know her better than anyone."

"Also wake Paris, and Seven." Chakotay decided after a moment's thought. "Paris cause B'Elanna won't work with anyone before him, and Seven because if we do run into any problems she's the most versatile person we have."

"Agreed, Commander."

=/\=

"I thought we'd start with your quarters." Chakotay said softly as the doors swished open automatically upon reading her biosignature.

"I… I live here?" Kathryn, wearing the soft pants and tank top he had retrieved from her quarters, hesitated in the doorframe.

"Yes, Captain."

"Kathryn, please." She said softly as she took a few steps into the room. "You didn't seem to have difficulty calling me that on the planet. And something about your voice…"

"What is it?" Chakotay asked softly as he stepped in behind her enough for the door to close. She had trailed off with a blush, and he found himself fascinated by the color spreading over her cheeks. He had very rarely seen her wearing that expression. "What about my voice?"

"Something about hearing you say my name just feels right." She admitted in a voice so soft her barely heard her.

Chakotay couldn't help the smile that flashed unto his face, although his eyes widened as she tentatively reached up and ran her index finger over the dimple on his cheek.

"That look, right there." She whispered. "You seem so familiar to me, and it's that look I remember most."

He drew back with a shaky breath, trying to remember the various instructions the Doctor had given him. He was supposed to avoid revealing anything outright because just telling her the facts wouldn't help her recovery. Instead, he was supposed to wait for her to notice things, and help her fill in the blanks. But he wasn't sure he could deal with filling in her memories of their unique friendship.

Although he had known he would probably have to, he tried to delay the moment by gesturing around her quarters. "Does anything else seem familiar?"

A considering look on her face, she studied him for another second before turning to look around the room. Kathryn wandered over to the main table, running her fingers along the back of one chair. "I remember sitting here. Laughing with… with someone."

Chakotay's mind flashed back to the countless dinners they had shared, and wondered if she was remembering a time when they were laughing over a joke, or whether it had been over another of her failed attempts at replicating dinner. Or if she was just remembering her general mood when at the table, as the doctor had said she might.

Which was why he had chosen to start with her quarters, rather than somewhere like the bridge or her ready room. It was selfish maybe, but he wanted to keep Kathryn with him a bit longer before the captain's mask began to eclipse her. It had unfortunately not occurred to him that he was the only person who spent much time with her here.

She had wandered to the couch by the time he forced his thoughts aside, and sat for a moment, twisting to look out at the stars moving by. "It feels odd somehow to see them moving like this, but if feels right. We don't live our entire lives on ships, do we?"

"No, most humans don't." Chakotay moved towards her, but couldn't bring himself to sit beside her. "You were born on Earth, and lived there until you graduated from Starfleet Academy and were assigned to a starship."

"I remember Earth, they never made me forget it. I don't really remember Starfleet, but I remember my first ship. Not this ship." She didn't sound certain. "I remember others. But they're like distant echoes compared to how I feel about this one. And I still remember the transport ship that brought me from Earth to find work on Quarra. That's even more of an echo, maybe more a shadow. It's like it happened to someone else, but somehow I still remember it. But this ship, this _Voyager_, is stronger in my mind than almost anything. Is that just because it's in my more recent memories?"

"That's possible." Chakotay offered neutrally. It certainly was one possible explanation, the other one he could think of he didn't share. It could be because of how powerful her experiences on _Voyager _had been, but he didn't want her to start pestering him with questions about everything. His job was to see what she remembered, and coax her along at her own pace. Not hit her with a barrage of information she had no hope of digesting.

And he was loath to hurt her, to see her shoulders droop once again under the weights and stresses she had been under since he had known her. He wondered, not for the first time, what she would have been like without the burden of having to always be the captain of a ship decades from home.

His eyes drifted to stare out at the stars, and he remembered laying in the front yard of their home on New Earth, and how comfortable they had been just laying beside each other, making up more and more ridiculous stories about constellations. He wondered if the woman she had been there, or the woman she had been down on Quarra, were more like who she had been in the Alpha Quadrant. Realistically, it almost had to be the former, as this Kathryn didn't have her memories of being a Starfleet officer, which meant that so many of the things that had shaped who she was were missing, but…

"Where are you right now?"

Chakotay startled out of his thoughts at the soft question, accompanied by the light touch of her hand on his. He actually turned his hand over to hold her own without thinking about it, then noticed what he had done and quickly pulled away. "Just, uh, just thinking sorry."

"You looked like you were a thousand light years away." She said softly. "At first you were thinking about something happy, but then you got sad."

"I'm sorry." He repeated as he finally sat beside her on the couch. "It's just… strange for me. Some parts of you are so much like the Kathryn I know, but so much is different."

"The Doctor said that our basic personalities are intact, but are altered in specific ways because of the lack of memories of experiences that shaped them."

And that sounded just like her, Chakotay thought with a grin, the scientific reasoning. "You said _Voyager_ is stronger in your mind than almost anything. The Doctor said that's the key to getting your memories back faster. Maybe if we go to other parts of the ship, or if you start thinking about the other things that are just as strong…" He trailed off as he remembered what she had said earlier about remembering him.

"You said you're my First Officer. But I don't remember you in a uniform, or helping me run the ship." She reached out to touch him again, and this time he didn't pull away but let her take his hand. "I remember sitting here like this, talking. And I remember laughing with you, eating dinner, and…"

Chakotay leaned forward, clasping her hand more tightly as she suddenly winced, then shook her head as if to clear it. "What's wrong?"

"I remember a storm." Her voice was a whisper, and he heard apprehension tinged with fear. "I remember stumbling, wind whipping around me, something like lighting but not crashing around me, and how I was a little less afraid when I heard you calling my name."

His mind crashed back to New Earth again. Of all the things for her to remember… Thankfully, her eyes were closed as she tried to piece the memory together, and she didn't see the conflicting emotions flying across his face as he remembered.

"I've always been afraid of storms. When I was little, I was really close when lightning struck a tree, and…" She trailed off, something telling her he already knew. She tried to piece together more of the memory, letting out a frustrated growl when it refused to come. "I don't remember where we were or why… but I remember being under a table, and still hearing the storm crashing, and things falling all around us. And…"

She opened her eyes then, unable to complete the sentence. The next image that had sprung into her mind had been of him holding her, and how she had known that as long as he was there with her things would somehow be okay. That thought somehow had a domino affect, and suddenly memories were popping up left and right.

She remembered his hands caressing her hair briefly before massaging her shoulders. In the next flash he was laying on a bed in Sickbay, and she had both hands resting warmly on his naked chest. An image came next where they were both in uniform, seated and leaning towards each other, hands clasped over some sort of table between then. Her emotions of determination accompanied the memory, and concern and worry for her practically burned in his eyes.

On the heels of that memory came a flash that didn't make sense to her. She was, somehow, watching him perform CPR on her, screaming her name and begging her not to die on him. He sounded almost more like a panicked lover than a…

Chakotay had held his silence even after she stopped speaking, realizing by the concentration on her face and the varied emotions flickering across it that she was remembering things. Hoping that her memories of the storm, and of fear, hadn't triggered a stream of other Delta Quadrant horrors, he tensed as she suddenly sprang up and started pacing the room.

"Kathryn?" He asked hesitantly.

She froze for an instant as his soft voice caused more disjointed memories to well up, then resumed pacing. "Just… just give me a minute." She did manage to say as her mind whirled.

She heard an echo of the Doctor's voice telling her that he wanted her to remember things on her own, and that the things she felt most strongly about would likely be remembered first. So far that was two things; the ship she was on, and the man who currently sat with a concerned expression as he watched her pace.

It made sense that she would be friends with the other people on her ship, and obviously she and her second in command would have to have a good working relationship. But her memories, and the emotions that went with them, suggested that he was far more than just a friend or co-worker.

She remembered how when she had reached out to him the first time he had taken her hand casually but then dropped it, as if it was a common gesture but one that was not appropriate when she didn't remember him. She remembered how somehow, even the first time she had seen him and didn't remember anything at all about him, she hadn't really been afraid of him. She had trusted him. And despite the fact that the others on this ship called her Captain, he used her name as if it was second nature.

Something about his face when he had first seen her with Jaffen stuck in her mind… and suddenly it all came together. He was more than her First Officer, he was at the very least her significant other, and for all she knew he could have been her husband. The flashes of love in his eyes had been prevalent in her memories, and she suddenly stopped pacing and turned to stare at him, a look of horror freezing on her face.

He rose and took a step towards her, then checked himself with obvious effort. He asked in a strained voice, "What's wrong?"

Three thoughts were spinning through her mind. He loved her. She loved him. And although she could blame her lack of memories, she had cheated on him.

For an instant she considered flight, but she didn't want to run blindly around a ship she didn't know. And she could see the concern and love in his eyes, and remember how safe she had felt in his arms. Two large, rapid steps brought her to him, and the next thing she knew she was crying into his chest as his arms slowly wrapped around her.

Chakotay had no idea what she had remembered or what was going through her mind. But when a friend needed a shoulder to cry on, the why wasn't really important. And when the woman you loved was clinging to you and sobbing her heart out, the only thing you could do was hold her.

The only words he could make out were 'I'm sorry,' being repeated over and over. He wished he had the slightest clue what she was apologizing for.

TBC…


	2. Actions Speak Louder Than Words

Disclaimer: Star Trek Voyager belongs to Paramount, the writers, and whoever else can legally claim it. I am writing for fun and not profit.

AN: Thanks to everyone who took the time to review, it's so awesome to know that people are enjoying this, and appreciating my take on how this could have happened. This part was very hard to write, cause it's been difficult to keep Kathryn IC, as she's so different from how she normally is cause of the memory loss and all. Comments are appreciated.

* * *

Parts of You

By Lady Callista

=/\=

Chapter Two: Actions Speak Louder Than Words (But Once the Damn Words Are Spoken, They Can Be Really Hard to Ignore)

=/\=

Chakotay couldn't figure out how he felt as he held Kathryn's crying form, trying to calm her by running one hand soothingly over her hair even as the other rubbed small circles on the small of her back.

His immediate reaction had been one of almost joy, despite her tears, as he held her in a way he had wanted to for so long. As he was finally able to offer her the comfort she had never been willing to accept. On the heels of that had come the flash of desire as her body molded to his, but because of both her tears and his long practice, that emotion was fairly easy to restrain. Worry had come next, as he couldn't imagine what would cause this reaction other than her remembering that they were stranded in the Delta Quadrant, far from home. And without her Starfleet training and beliefs to fortify her…

"I'm so sorry." She had finally managed to stop crying, but couldn't bring herself to back away from him. It felt so perfect to be in his arms, it felt so… right.

Concern flooded his voice even as his hands continued their soothing ministrations. "What did you remember?" It had to have been something horrific the way she had broken down.

"Jaffen." She whispered softly, sliding back just enough to look up into his face, her hands shifting from their death grip around him to rest on his chest. His eyes were carefully guarded, she noted immediately, neither the love she had seen before nor the anger she knew he must be feeling were present.

His hands slid to her waist automatically when she shifted back, and he kept his face carefully blank. Yet at the single word she spoke he couldn't help but let the confusion show on his face. Of course she remembered Jaffen, it wasn't the life down on the planet that she had forgotten, it was…

"I… I didn't remember you." Her voice was apologetic, almost pleading, especially as she saw the confusion on his face. How in the world he wasn't at least somewhat angry with her made her pause for a second, but there was no way she could have interpreted her memories wrong. It was so clear that they loved each other. Her fingers trailed up to brush his cheek, and finally she saw the confusion leave his eyes. But it was pain, rather than anger, that replaced it. "I can't imagine how I would feel if you forgot me. If I had had to watch you be with someone else…"

Chakotay fumbled away from her, turning his back on her as he ran his fingers through his hair, trying desperately to figure a way out of this. He didn't know how she had remembered only the right, or wrong depending on your point of view, things to give her a mistaken impression of their relationship, but that was exactly what had happened. Somehow she remembered the feelings, but not the fact that they had never acted on them. Never even talked about them really.

She misinterpreted his reaction of course, thinking that either he was trying to not let her see how much it had hurt him, or that he was so upset he couldn't deal with her touching him. Hoping it was the former, she moved forward and wrapped her arms around him from behind, laying her cheek on his back. "I'm so sorry. I love you so much."

Every muscle in his body tensed, and she felt him shudder for an instant before he gently pulled out of her grasp once again. The memory of him rubbing her shoulders flashed again, only this time she saw herself pulling away from him just as he had from her a second ago. His voice filtered through her scattered mind, the only two words audible were 'define parameters.'

She suddenly wondered if she'd gotten something horribly wrong, and she voiced that concern without thought. "Did I… say something wrong?"

Chakotay had absolutely no idea how to answer that question.

Because the honest answer was no as far as he was concerned, but he knew that once she regained all of her memories Kathryn would probably be horrified that she had said it, and likely try to pretend this entire encounter had never happened.

A sound somewhere between a laugh and a moan escaped his lips before he could stop it, and he mumbled under his breath without realizing what he was saying. "If you only knew how long I've waited to hear that…"

She heard him, and the hand that had been reaching out towards him fell back to her side. The sheer amount of pain and longing in his voice brought the tears back to her eyes even as her mind worked furiously. She could feel how much she loved him, but he had just made it clear she had never said the words to him. The fact that he had been waiting to hear it implied he felt the same way, as did the longing in his voice. But she couldn't understand the pain. She raised both her hands to her temples, eyes squeezing shut as she tried furiously to remember.

Had they broken up? Was one of them involved with someone else despite their feelings towards one another? Did they have some kind of forbidden love where they couldn't be together?

The last question caused another domino effect in her mind, and she worked desperately to figure out what she had gotten wrong.

_I'm not sure I can… define parameters, but I can tell you a story…_

_I know I don't have any right to feel this way, but this bothers the hell out of me. I do believe you're jealous. Why didn't you tell me there was another man? Because there isn't. _

_You seemed embarrassed when I ran into you, there was no reason to be. It was nice to see you having a little fun. He is rather charming, isn't he?_

_But you're the captain, you can't have a relationship with a member of your crew, they're all your subordinates._

Kathryn let out a sob as the memories continued to fill her mind.

Chakotay was so busy trying to get his own emotions under control that he didn't realize she had fallen silent until he heard the sob. The thoughts prevalent in his mind were how this would affect their relationship once she remembered everything, and the fact that he should have taken her to the bridge instead of her quarters

With a deep breath he turned to face her again, trying to bury all of his feelings until he could figure out what the hell to do with them. But having heard the three words he had always dreamed of hearing from her, it was much harder than normal to lock his heart away.

Her eyes were closed when he first turned around, but emotions were flashing across her face faster than he could follow. Her arms were wrapped around her torso, and she was trembling.

Every fiber of his being screamed at him to take her into his arms again, but after her misunderstanding he knew that he couldn't. "Kathryn?"

Her eyes snapped open as he spoke, and he knew the instant he saw the immense pain in her eyes before they went blank that she had remembered a great deal more.

Her voice came softly, more shy and embarrassed than he had ever heard it. "I'm sorry. I… I didn't remember everything, and the things I did remember made me think that…"

"You remember more now?" He kept his voice carefully neutral, as if by not acknowledging what she had said it would just go away.

Kathryn moved back to the couch and slumped down wearily. "I never should have said…" Her voice broke, and he crossed hesitantly to sit next to her as she took a deep breath before continuing. "I know that we're not… that we never… but at first all I could really remember were the feelings. Times when you would look at me, and I could see your heart. Times when I would touch you, or see your smile, and my heart would get lighter. But I'm the captain, and because of that we didn't…"

"You're my best friend." He said softly, knowing he could be nothing but honest with her. "We tease each other sometimes, we… we flirt. And sometimes I can't help but let you see how I feel. But it's our job to run this ship, to take care of everyone. We never discussed it in so many words, but you didn't want there to be anything but friendship between us because of our positions."

"I'm assuming I only feel this way because I'm still missing so much, but I can't believe that was the only reason. I can't believe I would deny what we both want just for that."

Chakotay shrugged. "We never discussed it, so I suppose it could have been something else too. I always assumed it was only because you were the captain and I was your first officer. But whatever the reason, I accepted it."

She could hear the pain in his voice. "Accepted it. But did you agree with it?"

"It doesn't matter." He couldn't meet her eyes. "I'm your friend, but I'm also your First Officer. It's my job to support you, to make your burdens lighter, to help you any way I can."

"The angry warrior swore to himself that he would stay by her side, doing whatever he could to make her burden lighter. From that point on, her needs would come first." Kathryn softly quoted words that seemed to come from a lifetime ago.

Chakotay managed to chuckle self-consciously even as he felt a blush rising to his cheeks. Her tone of voice, combined with the fact that five years later she could quote the words exactly, told him just how much his words had meant to her. But he wasn't sure he could continue to deal with this topic. "I think… I think that we should wait to finish this conversation until you remember everything. You've said things I know you would never normally say, and I don't want you to regret it later if this goes on. I don't want you to think I was taking advantage, or have things end up being awkward between us."

She saw the wisdom in what he was saying, but her natural curiosity was peaked by the fact that even without having to look into her eyes he hadn't been able to answer her last question. "I'll go along with that, after you answer my question. Do you agree?"

"Let's wait until you remember…" Chakotay tried to avoid answering, because he knew that if he did he wouldn't be able to lie to her.

"But that won't change your answer." Kathryn cut him off.

Chakotay took a deep breath and raised his gaze to meet her own. "But you might not _want_ that answer."

"If we've never spoken of it before now, that means it's likely we won't once I remember everything. And that just feels so wrong. I promise that no matter what, I won't hold it against you. We can go to the bridge after this, we can talk about whatever you want." She grasped his hand once again, and she felt a single tear trail down her cheek. "But these feelings… I just have to know if…"

"No." It was the hardest word he had ever spoken.

She stopped speaking, but he saw the question in her eyes. Was he answering her question, or refusing to answer?

"No, I don't agree." He couldn't say no to the pleading tone in her voice, especially when he could see the pain in her eyes as well. Although he trusted that she meant what she said about not holding it against him, he didn't know how things would be able to stay the same between them once he'd said what he was about to. "There is no actual regulation forbidding a captain from becoming involved with a member of her crew, although it is frowned upon. But it happens sometimes. And yes, often times it doesn't work out, and the subordinate officer is reassigned, which is an option we don't have. But thinking about it that way assumes the relationship won't work out, and I believe that it would."

Her voice was barely a whisper. "Why?" She was caught up in the swirling desire she could see in his eyes, and unconsciously tightened her grip on his hand.

He shouldn't have answered, he had already answered her question and she had agreed they could stop talking about it once he did. But even though he knew it was very possibly the worst idea he had ever had, he had dreamed of saying these words for years. There was a chance it could completely ruin their relationship, but he felt a tiny glimmer of hope that she would take his advice in this, as she had in so many other things over the years. It was a hope he thought had been extinguished long ago. "The feelings are still there, whether we're in an acknowledged romantic relationship or not. And I think that trying to ignore and bury our feelings, or pretend they're somehow less real because they're not expressed physically, is naïve. We've been dealing with the feelings for years, and I think that they're part of what makes us such an amazing team. I don't think anything would change in our work relationship if we had a romantic one as well, and I think both of us would be happier."

The sheer intensity in his voice was overwhelming, and she knew instantly that he had run through a hundred variations of what he had just said in his head, probably over several years. She reached out to wipe a tear off his cheek that she doubted he was even aware of, and when his eyes snapped up to hers the raw emotion she saw made her catch her breath. But it was gone a second later, and the smile he gave her was the friendly one that he had been giving her for years.

"Although you do always ask to many questions." He hoped she couldn't tell how hard it was for him to force the light teasing tone he had always used with her into his voice.

She managed to give him a crooked smile, half in apology, half in thanks that he had told her. "Would you… did the Doctor say if it's okay for me to spend time alone? Can I just be here alone for a little while to think about everything? See what else I can remember?"

"Of course." Chakotay said, almost relieved. "Just contact me when you want to come up to the bridge, or if you need anything."

"I will."

He nodded jerkily and left as quickly as he could without appearing to hurry. He made it as far as the door to his quarters next to hers before he realized there was absolutely no way he was going to be of any use on the bridge at the moment.

He ducked into his quarters, immediately leaning against the bulkhead next to the door and sinking down to the ground. With the exception of three words he had barely managed to hold back, he had just said everything to Kathryn that he had wanted to say since they were rescued from New Earth. Everything he had promised himself he would _never_ say as long as they were on _Voyager_.

Although to be fair, he had promised himself he would never say it unless she brought it up, which she indeed had. Although she hadn't exactly been herself, he couldn't think of anything he could have done differently. If he hadn't answered her question it would have left her confused and frustrated, and if she had continued to believe something false it could have hampered her recovery. Lying to her was the only thing he could have done differently, and that was simply not an option.

Speaking the truth that he had held locked away for so long had been like lifting an anchor from his soul, but now that he was free from the weight he had carried for so long he wondered if he would have the strength to pick it up again if she required it of him.

Yet even as the thought formed he knew the answer. He would do whatever she asked, as he always had when it came to their personal relationship. No matter the cost to him, he would always do as she wanted.

He still couldn't extinguish the thread of hope that now that the words had been said, things would be different. But if they weren't, he would deal with it. Somehow, he would find a way to get them back to the friendship they had always had if that was what she wanted. He just prayed to the spirits that it wasn't.

He had just made the most important tactical move of his life, and had absolutely no idea if this would get him a tickertape parade or blow up in his face. Because he was almost positive it would be one or the other.

=/\=

TBC…


	3. I Had A Good Reason

Disclaimer: Star Trek Voyager belongs to Paramount, the writers, and whoever else can legally claim it. I am writing for fun and not profit.

AN: Thanks again to everyone for all the awesome reviews. Sorry this part took a bit longer, but Thanksgiving parties got in the way of me being home to write. Enjoy!

* * *

Parts of You

By Lady Callista

=/\=

Chapter Three: I Had A Good Reason (At Least I Hope I Had A Better One Than Some Unwritten Rule From Another Quadrant)

=/\=

Kathryn sat staring at the door after it closed behind him for a long moment, then rapidly shook her head to try to clear thoughts of Chakotay out of it. She desperately wanted to finish the conversation they had been having, but saw the wisdom in waiting until she remembered everything. She didn't want to embarrass herself again by saying something wrong, but that was almost secondary. It was more that she didn't want to see the pain in his eyes again, and there had been all too much of it when she had made her mistake about their relationship.

The only way they were going to finish their talk was when her memory was back to normal, which gave her a great motivation. Rising from the couch with renewed energy, Kathryn crossed over to her desk and sat down. "Computer, can you show me my personal logs?"

"Personal logs for Kathryn Janeway are available. Please give relevant Stardates."

Kathryn sighed. Without her memories, she had no idea what dates she was looking for. "Can you do a keyword search of logs?"

"Affirmative."

Kathryn smiled. She considered searching for just his name, but as he was both her friend, best apparently, and first officer, he was likely mentioned in many of her entries. Then she thought about some of the strongest memories she had, and suddenly realized the best place to start this search. "Computer, display all log entries with key phrase 'New Earth.'"

"Displaying ship logs, Commander Chakotay official logs, and Captain Janeway logs, both official and personal, with selected phrase. Override needed to display Commander Chakotay's personal logs."

Kathryn thought about it for less than a second. "Cancel request as it pertains to Chakotay personal logs, then display the requested files. Start with Janeway personal logs."

"Confirmed."

=/\=

"Enter." She didn't even look up from the computer screen when her door chimed, but answered it absently as she continued to read.

"Everything going okay?" Chakotay asked as he took a few steps into the room, a small smile crossing his face as she absently took a sip from a mug at her side. He would have bet almost anything it was coffee.

"What?" She looked up then, and tried to focus her mind on the here and now. "Sorry, uh, I've just been going through my personal logs. Figured that would be a good way to jog my memory."

Chakotay nodded. "It's been almost two hours, I just wanted to check in with you."

"I'm good." She smiled, but seemed distracted. "It seems like every entry I read I remember a little more of. And I've been using keywords to track some of the things that seem the most important."

He noticed her eyes flicking back to the computer screen as she spoke, and smiled. "Well, I'll let you get back to it. Although at some point you should probably take the time to eat."

She chuckled at words he had spoken in that exact same tone to her more times than she could count. "Always taking care of me, aren't you?"

"Someone has to." He kept his voice neutral.

"How about you give me another two hours, and then we have dinner?" The familiar words came without thought. "I promise not to be late."

He forced a lightness into his voice, even knowing that the course of his life would be decided over that dinner. "Any requests?"

"No leola root." She said with a grin.

Chakotay laughed. "I can promise I'll never cook with that. Remember where my quarters are?"

"Right next door."

"I'll see you in two hours." Chakotay smiled again as he left.

Kathryn turned back to the computer terminal before the doors had finished closing. She berated herself for an instant at how distracted and possibly rude she must have seemed to him, but she needed to keep reading her logs because of how well it was working. In addition to regaining what she hoped were all of her memories of him, she had remembered most of her Starfleet career and time on Voyager.

But large chunks of her personal life before Voyager were still blanks, and the few references she had found were starting to make her wonder if she was having such a hard time remembering certain things because she simply didn't _want_ to remember.

"Computer, begin a new keyword search of Janeway's personal logs, and also bring up a Starfleet personnel file." Kathryn tried to keep her voice steady.

"Enter keyword." The monotone of the computer replied.

She took a deep breath. "Justin Tighe."

=/\=

"Everything going okay, Doctor?" Chakotay asked as he walked into Sickbay.

"Everyone is fine, Commander. No one is suffering any negative effects from the sedation." The Doctor said as he came out of his office. "Shouldn't you be with the captain?"

Chakotay chuckled. "She's been parked at her desk for the past two hours, reading her personal logs. It seems to be working very well."

The Doctor nodded. "Seven of Nine had the same idea, she told Neelix it would be a more efficient way for her to remember, and that he should help someone else. I've already woken Mr. Tuvok, and Neelix is working with him now."

Chakotay nodded. "Good. I would like the next group you wake up to be Engineering personnel, we still have lots of repairs to do. After we get through that group I'm going to pull B'Elanna and a few of her people from the rotation of reacclimating people so they can work on the ship."

"But the longer we keep people sedated…"

"It's alright, Doctor." Chakotay cut off the objection. "We can speed things up considerably if we don't spend the entire six hours with each person. We just need to get them started and then have them read their personal logs. I don't know why we didn't think of that from the start."

"It may take a little longer with the others, Commander. The Captain and Seven had an advantage, because they already believed you were telling the truth about them being abducted from this ship." The Doctor replied. "The others will be much more panicked at first; they remember nothing of _Voyager_."

"I think we should transport each crewmember to their quarters before we wake them." Chakotay answered. "The Captain started remembering things almost the second she walked in."

"That's a good point, Commander." The Doctor replied. "Now, are you here because you're ready to start working with a new person?"

Chakotay chuckled. "The Captain wanted a few more hours with her logs, and then we're going to have dinner. She'll want to know everything that's happened over the past weeks, and with us basically being in emergency mode no one has really kept the logs up to date. But I can certainly get someone else started on their logs in two hours."

"And you want Engineering personnel?"

Chakotay nodded. "Why don't you wake Crewman Jor? I know her pretty well, and once I pull her to Engineering she'll be a big help because her and B'Elanna work really well together."

The Doctor walked over to the wall and began punching buttons into one of his panels. "I have sent her to her quarters on deck four. I'll give you a hypo to revive her."

Chakotay nodded as he accepted the hypospray. "I'm just going to check in with the bridge quick, and then I'll get Jor started."

He was deep in thought as he exited Sickbay and walked down the hallway towards the turbolift. He tried to bring up his mental file on Jor, he had known her in the Maquis for years before _Voyager_ and knew they had talked about her family and the colony she grew up on. He knew who her closest friends on _Voyager_ were, and what she liked to do in her off time.

But his mind kept returning to Kathryn, and the conversation they had begun earlier. He tried to tell himself not to hope, reminding himself of every time in the past that Kathryn had gently but firmly refused even the slightest overtures he had made. Although he wanted to believe that it would be different this time, he was afraid that even with their feelings now spoken she would still hide behind the mantle of captain.

"Bridge." He closed his eyes for a moment as he entered the turbolift, taking several deep breaths to try and clear his mind. There was nothing he could do about Kathryn for the next two hours, and he had a ship to run. He had told her that he didn't think them having a romantic relationship would interfere with their duties, and he believed it. Now he had to live it.

"How's it going?" Chakotay asked as he stepped onto the bridge, immediately moving towards Harry at Ops.

"Not bad, Commander." Harry replied. "We received an update from Quarra, we've got about eleven hours before they'll want to speak with us again. I think they mostly want to make sure everyone's memories are returning, and let us know what charges are being pressed against the doctor and others down there who were involved."

"Good. The captain and Seven seem to be doing well, we discovered reading their logs was a great way to jog their memories." Chakotay replied, looking around the bridge for the first time and noticing that Tom sat at the helm, B'Elanna speaking to him softly. He raised his voice. "How are you doing, Mr. Paris?"

Tom spun in the chair, his typical grin on his face. "I think I can manage to not crash us into the planet." The grin grew. "And I remember that your life is mine."

Chakotay's grin flashed in response. "I think yours is mine by this point as well."

B'Elanna chuckled. "If we're really counting, I'll have to start reading my logs and see how many times I've saved the entire ship. I think I own you both."

It was Chakotay's turn to laugh. "I think we all own each other. B'Elanna, once we get a few more people, I'm going to want you in Engineering. Prioritize repairs for key systems, use your best judgment on everything else. I'll be giving you Jor, and I was thinking Yosa and Nicoletti as well."

B'Elanna nodded. "Once I'm sure Flyboy here won't hit a button he shouldn't, I can leave him here to read his personal logs. Harry can help if he has questions, and I think it's smart to have more than one person on the bridge if we can."

"Even if that person isn't using their full brain yet?" Harry teased.

"That would be different from normal, how?" B'Elanna shot back.

"Hey!"

Chakotay chuckled at Tom's affronted reaction, and telling them to keep him informed headed back for the turbolift. "Deck Four."

=/\=

Chakotay paced his quarters nervously, checking for the umpteenth time that everything was ready for dinner. She was only about ten minutes late, which normally wouldn't have worried him as she always got lost in her work. Most of the time he planned dinner for about thirty minutes after they were supposed to meet, and called her on the twenty-five minute mark. But with her memories possibly not fully recovered, maybe he should…

The door chime interrupted his thoughts, and he took a deep breath before calling out for her to enter.

She entered hesitantly, a bottle of wine clutched in both hands. She had changed into one of the dresses she had favored on New Earth, which surprised him. Although they did sometimes have dinner in casual clothes, with the state of the ship right now he had assumed she would be in uniform. He wondered if she had made the choice deliberately, to give him an idea of how this was going to go, or if she simply hadn't wanted to put on her uniform yet, or…

"Sorry I'm late." Her voice was soft, and he realized that he'd been simply staring at her for a good ten seconds as his mind raced.

He smiled and crossed to take the wine from her, moving to the table to open it. "That's alright. If you had been on time I would have worried you weren't yourself yet."

She chuckled at his teasing as she followed him over to the table. "Need help with dinner? I can burn something if you like."

He grinned back at her. "I think we're good. I just went with a cold pasta and vegetable salad, cause I wasn't sure if you'd want to talk before or after, and well…"

Kathryn cut him off by placing a hand lightly on his arm. "Why don't you catch me up on the past few weeks over dinner, and on the state of the ship and such. That has to come first. But after…"

Chakotay nodded as she trailed off. The captain's mask was firmly in place, but there was something warm in her eyes as she said those last two words. He finished pouring the wine, then set the glasses on the table and pulled out a chair for her. He'd been waiting for years, what was a little longer?

"Well, when _Voyager_ wasn't at the rendezvous coordinates…"

=/\=

By mutual agreement and without discussion they had stayed at the table until he was done bringing her up to date on everything. Then there had been the familiar routine of her thanking him for an excellent meal as they worked together to clear the table. Wine glasses were refilled, and the bottle accompanied them over to the couch where they now both sat, slightly stiffly, more distance between them than was normal.

Kathryn twirled her glass nervously in her fingers, knowing he was waiting for her to start the conversation but not sure how to do so. Finally, she started the easy way. "My memory is completely back as far as I can tell. I still remember everything that actually happened on Quarra, but the memories they implanted are fading away. The Doctor says that they'll probably vanish completely within a few days."

Chakotay nodded. "That's good."

His voice was calm, but she could tell how anxious he was. She felt much the same, and took a deep breath before continuing. "What I said to you earlier today…" She trailed off, realizing that could be taken in many different ways. "I mean when I was saying that it wasn't just our positions that kept us apart… I was right. I swore to myself long ago that I would never… that I would never be romantically involved with someone in Starfleet again. I made that vow long before I became a captain."

"Why?" He asked the question softly, hearing the pain in her voice. More than curiosity, it was his need to understand and comfort her that made him need to know.

"When I was still an ensign, I went on a test-flight with two other officers. They were both killed." Her voice broke slightly and she reached a hand out to him, drawing strength as he laced their fingers together gently. She raised her eyes to meet his and took another deep breath. Although she kept her voice calm, she could feel the tears welling up in her eyes. "What isn't in the official report is that I might have been able to save one of them. They were both crushed within the ship, but there was a chance transporters could have gotten one of them out. There was only enough power for one attempt, for one person. But I couldn't make that choice, so I tried everything I could think of to save them both. And in doing so, I lost the chance to save either one."

Chakotay reached out silently, brushing away a few tears that were trailing down one of her cheeks. It was a terrible story, but he couldn't understand what it had to do with the vow she had told him about.

Kathryn closed her eyes at his tender touch, and whispered. "One of those officers was my father. The other… the other was my fiancé. I know each of them would have told me to save the other, but I couldn't bear to lose either one. So I lost them both. "

His eyes widened, then closed in sympathetic pain. Two people she loved, both killed because she couldn't make a choice on which one of them to save. And if she had saved one of them, she would probably have grown to resent them for the death of the other, or resent herself for making the choice.

"The logical choice would have been to save my father." She continued softly after a moment, eyes still closed. "He was an admiral, and any other officer in my position would have chosen him. But I couldn't bear to let Justin die."

"Kathryn…"

Her eyes opened then, and the pain he saw in them almost broke his heart. "I think… I think that if I had to make that choice now, I could do it. I'm still not sure which of them I would save, but I think I would save one of them."

"No one should have to make that choice." He said softly when she stopped speaking.

"Which is why I swore I would never fall in love with a fellow officer again." She said brokenly. "Never put myself in a position where my feelings would override my duty and my responsibility."

"I understand." His voice was barely a whisper, at least now he knew why she always pushed him away when he started to get to close.

"No, you don't." Kathryn reached out hesitantly, running her fingers lightly across his cheek. "Because what you said earlier was right. Whether we act on them or not, the feelings are still there. I kept the part of my vow about not being in a romantic relationship, but I broke the part about not falling in love. And now that it's out in the open, I have absolutely no idea what to do."

=/\=

TBC…

AN2: Yes, I know Justin is not cannon. (although he is mentioned in so many fics that some people probably think he is) No, I have not read the book with him. Anything that differs from it can be considered fanfic license. I have also not read the short story where she tells Chakotay about him, and for the purposes of this fic that did not happen. For anyone who in general dislikes the ST books as much as I do, well, sorry, but Justin and the sitch that goes with him are perfect for this story.


	4. Redefining Parameters

Disclaimer: Star Trek Voyager belongs to Paramount, the writers, and whoever else can legally claim it. I am writing for fun and not profit.

AN: Thanks for all the reviews, I'm very glad that so many people are enjoying this. A few lines here are direct from the episode, but the context is changed cause it had to be based on my developments. I'm still not 100% happy with this, it's been delayed in coming out cause the timing just seems off somehow, but I can't figure out how to fix it without completely rewriting the second half, and I do rather like it, I'm just not sure it flows well. Anyways, here it is. Please, please let me know what you think.

* * *

Parts of You

By Lady Callista

=/\=

Chapter Four: Redefining Parameters (This Time There Will Actually Be A Resolution)

=/\=

Kathryn reached out hesitantly, running her fingers lightly across his cheek. "Because what you said earlier was right. Whether we act on them or not, the feelings are still there. I kept the part of my vow about not being in a romantic relationship, but I broke the part about not falling in love. And now that it's out in the open, I have absolutely no idea what to do."

There was silence for several long seconds as the impact of her words sank in. Her fingers continued to trail feather-light over his face, and after a moment he raised his hand to cover hers, half linking their fingers and causing her hand to cup his cheek. It was a great balm to his heart to hear her say, even circumspectly, that she loved him. He had been uncertain for far too long.

"What do you want to do?" His voice was gentle, his eyes full of warmth and understanding. Even before hearing her story he had never pushed, now that he had heard her reasoning he certainly wouldn't. He had promised her long ago that her needs would always come first.

Kathryn moved to pull her hand back from his face and he let her go at once, surprised when she kept their fingers linked together. "What I want and what should happen are two completely different things, Chakotay."

He took a deep breath, breaking eye contact because he knew he couldn't control the look in his eyes. "Nothing needs to change. It being out in the open, as you say, really doesn't change anything. I'm sure that you… that you've known how I feel about you for a while now. I haven't exactly tried to hide it. And I've never let it interfere with my duty. I wasn't… wasn't sure how you felt, but even knowing…"

"No, you've never tried to hide your feelings, but you've never pushed them on me either." Kathryn almost chuckled. "I used to wonder what would have happened if you ever had."

His gaze snapped back to her. "I would never do that."

"No, that's not the kind of man you are." Their hands were still joined, and she squeezed his briefly. "I was grateful for that. Because… because if you had ever pushed, I'm not sure I would have been able to resist."

"Kathryn…" What he had been about to say trailed off as a single tear trailed down her face. He wiped it away with his free hand, his mind working furiously. It was almost as if she was asking him to push, asking him to take the choice away from her. "If I had done that, it would have been a betrayal of your trust. I… I would have ended up hating myself, and there's a good chance you would have grown to resent me for taking away that choice."

Another tear trailed down her face, and he gently wiped it away with his thumb.

She caught his hand the same way he had hers a moment ago, and watched his eyes brighten slightly as his palm gently cupped her cheek. She held his eyes as she tilted her head just enough to lay a light kiss on his palm.

"I could never resent you." Her words were barely a whisper. "Chakotay… I don't know how this is going to work out, I don't know if I can… If I can do this. But you asked what I want, and what I want… what I want is to not be alone anymore."

"You've never been alone." His voice was as soft as her own, the fingers of the hand she still held cupped to her cheek brushing lightly back and forth before sliding down to rest on her shoulder.

"There have been times when I didn't know how I would get through one more day. Times when all I wanted was a hug, or someone to hold me at night. I had almost forgotten what it felt like…" Her voice trailed off, then came back slightly stronger. "It may not have been real, Chakotay, but it felt like home. If you hadn't come after me I never would've known that I had another life."

"Are you sorry I showed up?" He thought of the Kathryn he had gotten to know down there, the one free of all the duties and burdens she had been under for nearly seven years. She had seemed so content and happy down there.

Her smile bloomed. "Not for a second. It felt real at the time, but what I felt for him… it's nothing compared to how I feel about you. I don't want to keep pushing you away; I don't want to be alone. I just don't know if I'm as strong as you are. As strong as you think I am. I don't know how to do this…"

He leaned in to brush his lips ever so lightly across her cheek. "Just start by letting me in more. We don't… we don't have to jump into a full romantic relationship or a… physical one. But ask for a hug if you need one, or call me over when you can't sleep at night. We can talk, or I can hold you. We could have dinner more often maybe, talk less about the ship and more about personal matters. We can just see how things go."

"What did I ever do to deserve you?" A small smile came to her lips.

He chuckled. "Made me your first officer instead of tossing me and my crew in the brig for 75 years?"

She chuckled in return, "One of the best decisions I ever made." Then she took a deep breath. "Will you hold me now?"

His full smile bloomed, dimples flashing, and she caught her breath at the fact that such a simple thing could bring him such obvious joy. His arms slid gently around her, and he angled himself back on the couch a little more, drawing her against his chest.

And as she cuddled in against him, feeling even happier and at peace than she had on Quarra, it suddenly seemed foolish to have waited so long to let this happen. "Whatever happens…Chakotay, I do love you."

Chakotay's arms tightened briefly, and she heard his heartbeat accelerate.

Hearing the words outright had been one thing when her memories were incomplete, and hearing them circumspectly moments ago had been wonderful. But to hear her say them like this, when he was holding her in his arms as he had wanted to for so long, was almost more than he could handle. Despite everything he had said about taking things slowly, hearing her confession made him want to do so much more than just hold her.

He settled for dropping a kiss lightly on her forehead, and whispering words he had wanted to say for years. "And I love you, Kathryn."

=/\=

_"Captain's log, Stardate 54626.9_

_It's been about a day since we left Quarra and resumed our course for Earth. All the memories implanted in the crew have faded away, and the doctor has cleared all personnel for duty. Commander Chakotay and I are going to do a full review of all ship's systems, and I am going to be working with Lieutenant Torres on improving the ECH, as it seems that although he did very well the doctor did encounter several difficulties he was not programmed to handle. Furthermore…"_

"Enter." Kathryn called out as she heard her door chime. "Computer pause recording and save log."

"Am I disturbing you?" Chakotay paused in the doorway, slightly uncertain. He had gotten to hold her all too briefly yesterday before having to resume his duties, and since then had only seen her while they were on duty. Their interactions while on duty had shown nothing to betray what they had talked about, and half of him was still convinced yesterday had been a dream, or just a brief moment of weakness she would regret and pretend had never happened.

"Not at all." Noting his casual clothes, and anxiety, she realized this was not an official visit. She crossed over towards him with a smile, although she felt the flutter of nerves in her own stomach. "I was going to call you in a little bit, see if you wanted to have dinner."

"I was actually wondering if you would join me in the holodeck." Chakotay offered. "Tom and Neelix have organized a little 'welcome back' party."

Her smile faded slightly, and she felt the flutters get stronger. "Like… a date?"

He glanced away briefly, "I've been your escort to events before, both on and off the ship. It doesn't have to be more than that."

Kathryn took a deep breath, moving closer to look up into his face. "What if I want it to be?"

His own breath caught at the breathy tone in her voice, and he reached out to take both of her hands in his. "Then I would love to be your date."

Her tentative smile returned. She had thought about this a great deal over the past day. "I really do want to try this, Chakotay. But I won't do it by sneaking around, or trying to hide anything. Because as much as I hate to say it, the crew's opinions of this will matter."

He chuckled, "From everything I've heard in rumors over the years, I think they'll be happy for us."

She chuckled in return. "Let's not confirm too many of those rumors just yet."

He squeezed her hands briefly. "You know I'll play this however you want."

She nodded even as she pulled her hands away from his, resting them briefly on his chest. "Let me go change into something more comfortable, feel free to get yourself a drink."

"Need help?" He teased, dimples flashing into brilliance at the shock and humor that filled her eyes.

"You'll be the first to know." She teased back as she disappeared into the bedroom.

He took a deep breath and went over to the replicator, ordering a cold glass of water. They had walked the knife's edge over the years with flirting, and he had a feeling that tonight they were going to tumble into the abyss.

"Blue or green?" Her voice echoed out of the bedroom, and he chuckled again.

"Blue." He called back. "It does wonderful things for your eyes."

There was a startled sounding laugh, a sound he really wanted to get to hear more often, then he heard the rustling as she began to change. He moved to the viewport, staring out at the stars as he tried unsuccessfully to _not_ picture her naked. It wasn't that he had never dreamt of that before, but he generally tried to confine those thoughts to when he was alone. It almost seemed disrespectful when she was in the same room as him, which he knew was ridiculous because it wasn't like she was a Betazoid and could actually tell he was thinking it, but still…

"How does this look?"

He turned, and for a moment was unable to speak. The dress was a deep royal blue, of some sort of shimmery material that sparkled as is caught the light. It was knee-length as most of her dresses were, but was sleeveless. And while the neckline was still high enough to be completely respectable, it showed just enough of a hint of cleavage that he knew he was going to spend the entire night somewhat distracted.

"Chakotay?"

He heard the nervousness in her voice, and amazed that she hadn't been able to see his reaction on his face, hurried to assure her. "You look amazing, Kathryn."

"You're not so bad yourself, mister." She said with a smirk, moving towards him. "Shall we?"

He crossed over to her, taking the hand she held out and kissing the back of it gallantly before tucking it into the crook of his arm. There was an extended pause as their eyes met from inches away, but neither moved those last few inches, and just as the pause was turning from romantic to awkward Chakotay smiled and brushed his lips over her cheek before turning towards the door. "Far be it from me to keep the most beautiful woman on the ship from the party."

=/\=

Tom's eyes almost dropped out of his head when he saw them walk in. He let out a low whistle that turned Harry's attention from Sandrine to himself. "What?"

"Captain on deck." Tom said appreciatively, hoping B'Elanna wasn't close enough to hear him.

Harry turned towards the front door, staring in much the same way Tom had. Seeing the captain on the commander's arm wasn't that unusual as they often arrived at events together, but there was something about their body language, not to mention her dress…

"And the betting pool reopens." Tom said with a smirk as he pulled a PADD from inside of his vest pocket and moved off into the crowd.

Kathryn could feel attention shift to them as they walked in but ignored it, leading him to a side table as if nothing was out of the ordinary. She let out a deep sigh when they were seated, and was relieved when everything around them returned to almost normal.

"Part of it is they're not used to seeing me here like this." Kathryn said with wry smile as Sandrine delivered a bottle of wine to the table.

"Compliments of Monsieur Paris." She said with a wink, laying a hand on Chakotay's shoulder.

His eyes shifted to Kathryn's briefly, and although a faint blush rose to her cheeks she smiled at Sandrine. "Give him our thanks."

Sandrine gave her a knowing smile before pouring the wine and moving off. "Enjoy yourself, cher, you do it far too little."

Kathryn laughed as she moved off. "Now even holograms are giving me advice."

Chakotay laughed with her, raising his glass. "To new beginnings?"

She smiled one of her brilliant smiles at him and clinked their glasses together. "I was thinking… to redefining parameters."

"I'll drink to that."

They stayed for hours, circulating the room for a brief time as was expected of them, but for the most part spending the time together talking.

Chakotay kept his eyes and ears open, but after the brief surprise at their appearance the crew seemed to relax, treating things as if nothing was out of the ordinary. Although B'Elanna did manage to mutter that it was about time, and he saw Tom circulating the room more than normal, trying to be circumspect about the PADD he held.

"Dance with me?" The party was winding down by the time he had the idea to ask, and as she slid into his arms he wished he had thought of it hours ago.

They had danced before of course, but with a formal distance between them that had no place here. The hand that had started on her waist slid around to the small of her back, and he felt her fingers slip from his shoulder up into his hair even as their joined hands turned to rest on his chest. "This is nice."

He murmured his agreement as she leaned in to rest her head on his shoulder. "See, I told you it wouldn't be that difficult."

She sighed as his hand began to make small, slow circles on her back. "I should have done this a long time ago."

Chakotay chuckled. "I still remember the first time you walked in here."

She pulled back just enough to look up into his eyes, her own glittering with laughter. "I still remember the look of shock on Harry's face that he had been bold enough to ask me."

"Harry asked you?" Chakotay's face took on its own shocked look.

She laughed. "Not like for a date, but he said a bunch of the crew was spending some down-time here, and if he wasn't being out of place he wondered if I would like to join you all."

Chakotay laughed with her. "That was a good night. First time the crew really got to see you relaxing and having fun."

She smiled. "And I still remember the look on Tom's face when I beat him at pool."

They were swaying with the music now rather than actually dancing, and Chakotay could feel the eyes of the few people who remained in the room darting in their direction. Yet she ignored the attention they were drawing, so he did as well. "I never did get to ask you about that. Where did you learn to play?"

"At the Academy." She replied, the twinkle back in her eyes. "My roommate my first year was obsessed with the game. One of her parents was a competitive player, and she had grown up playing."

"I guess I'm just surprised you took time from your studies for a game." Chakotay answered.

She laughed again. "I had been studying since I was about five. The Academy was, well, it was rather easy for me."

He grinned. "I wish I had known you then. I love it when you let the carefree side of yourself show."

She tensed slightly in his arms, and he cursed himself silently when he realized he had reminded her of why she was so rarely that way anymore. He was about to try to apologize when he felt her relax again. "Hopefully you'll get to see that side of me more often now."

The song ended, and slightly reluctantly they drew a little bit apart. Their eyes locked, and although kissing in that moment would have been the most natural thing in the world, Kathryn flicked her eyes towards the door, and he nodded as they instead moved hand in hand towards the exit.

Chakotay took a deep breath as they left the holodeck. He had said he would play the game her way, which although it went against his male instincts meant he would wait for her to make the first move in that direction. She had said she didn't want to confirm all of the rumors, which meant she likely wouldn't have been comfortable kissing him in public. Although their leaving in the manner they had would start several different kinds of rumors.

But even beyond her own needs and how she wanted this to go, he had a secondary reason for not kissing her. Quite simply, he didn't want the first time they kissed to be in front of people. He wanted to be thinking of nothing but her when he finally got to make that dream come true.

=/\=

TBC…


	5. The Best Things

Disclaimer: Star Trek Voyager belongs to Paramount, the writers, and whoever else can legally claim it. I am writing for fun and not profit.

AN: I've taken to randomly browsing through Memory-Alpha while watching TV, and discovered that there is a Lt. on Voyager who was a minor recurring character on NextGen for most of the series. I had to do something with him. Sorry for the lateness of this update, I've been spending the past month rereading one of my favorite fantasy series of all time in preparation for the last book in the series coming out, and then reading that last book - twice. So again, apologies, but I just couldn't get anything I was writing to sound right. Now that I finally think I have, I hope everyone enjoys! (I did make it a bit longer than my standard parts as an apology.)

* * *

Parts of You

By Lady Callista

=/\=

_Chapter Five: The Best Things Are Worth Waiting For (But Sometimes You Just Can't Wait Anymore)_

=/\=

He had been waiting what seemed like forever to kiss her.

Although on the holodeck in front of members of the crew certainly wasn't right for their first kiss, he could still regret another lost opportunity.

His thoughts flitted to the time they had spent on New Earth, roughly pushing aside the voice in his head mocking that in nearly three months they hadn't gotten nearly as close as her and the guy on Quarra had in just a few weeks. Different circumstances, the logical part of his mind cut in. Very different. What had made him think of New Earth was the fact that it had been the first time he wanted to kiss her. And those last few days before the hail that changed everything, those last few days when he had begun to see the echoing spark in her eyes. If only they had had a few more days…

Other memories swirled. Quiet dinners in her quarters, and talking as friends rather than colleagues. Their eyes meeting and cheeks heating as both realized they were inches apart, and she was in nothing but a towel. Sitting on the couch together with wine, and the awkward beat that would happen occasionally when their eyes met before they both looked away and scooted back a little from each other. The voice of the past her, asking just how close they got. The fire in her eyes the first time they had met, and the jolt of unexpected heat as her shoulder bumped against his chest when she moved into him to block him from going after Tom. The gentle and tender look in her eyes after his CPR, the Doctor, and her own strength had brought her back from the brink of death, and the soft comment that made him realize she had somehow seen his terror and pain at the thought of her dying, and had seen how he clutched her in his arms and begged her to live. The first time he had held her, as a plasma storm shattered their new world and her hopes of escaping it. And just the other night, as he held her with words of love still echoing through the room.

All those moments when they had gotten too close, and one or both had backed away, although for very different reasons.

And now he was walking down the corridor hand in hand with his captain, surprised but pleased that she hadn't dropped his hand upon leaving the holodeck. She had said she wanted to really try this, and the flirting and dancing in full view of the crew had certainly proven she meant it.

"I'm sorry, but it just didn't seem right, not there…"

It took him a moment to realize that she had spoken, and another to figure out what she was talking about. Even as he realized she must have thought his silence meant he was upset about her wanting to leave the holodeck, or maybe that he was disappointed she hadn't wanted to kiss him there, they were entering the turbolift.

"Deck 3." She said softly.

"Kathryn." He raised their still joined hands and kissed the back of her knuckles softly. "It wouldn't have been right there. Yes, I was enjoying myself, but I didn't mind leaving."

Her eyes seemed to bore into his as she replayed the last several minutes in her mind. "You were just so quiet, when we were walking… your thoughts looked like they were dozens of light-years away, and not in a good way."

Her voice trailed off as he smiled then, squeezing her hand. "I was just thinking of all the _almosts_… All the times we got too close and one of us had to pull back."

"I'm not going to pull back this time." Her voice was nearly a whisper, and although he could see the determination in her eyes, he knew her well enough to see the nervousness as well.

The doors hissed open, and any reply he might have made was cut off as someone was waiting to get on the lift.

"Captain, Commander." Lieutenant Russell nodded respectfully as he stepped aside to allow them to exit, his eyes flickering over their joined hands although his face stayed completely blank.

"Lieutenant." Kathryn acknowledged, feeling a slight blush rise to her cheeks but refusing to drop Chakotay's hand. "Just going on shift?"

"Yes, Captain." He nodded. "Hopefully it will be a quiet one."

"Those are always nice." She gave him a small smile as he entered the turbolift and she and Chakotay headed down the hall towards their quarters.

There was a pregnant pause as they reached her quarters and the door slid open upon her approach, and then she said softly, "Would you like to come in?"

He nodded almost hesitantly and followed her in, then remained standing just inside enough for the door to swish closed behind him. The tension in the room shot up, although at first he couldn't figure out why. It wasn't the first, or even hundredth, time they had been alone in her quarters. They'd spent the better part of the evening standing closer than they were now, and only minutes ago had been wrapped together in a romantic dance.

Yet now he clasped his hands behind his back, unsure what to do with them. His mouth opened, then closed, unsure of what to say. He still couldn't figure out why things were suddenly so awkward.

Kathryn set a hand on her desk to step out of her shoes, then turned to find him standing at parade rest just inside her door and couldn't help the chuckle that passed her lips. She felt the nerves flutter in her stomach and saw the tension on his face. Unlike him however, she figured out exactly why things were so awkward.

She was tempted to tell him 'at ease' just to see what would happen, but she knew it was anxiety more than anything else that had stopped his feet just inside the door, and she didn't want him feeling that way for even a second longer.

"The rules have changed, and you're still not sure what all of them are." She said softly, watching the tension drain from his face as she crossed back to him. "You're used to taking your cues from me, to not pushing, not… not showing how you feel. And sexist as it may be, and strange as you may find it in a Starfleet captain, I'm accustomed to the man taking the lead in a relationship. That's not to say I'm completely submissive, obviously, but…"

He chuckled at that, face and body relaxing, and reached out to take her hand. "How about another dance?"

And just like that the tension drained from the room as they smiled at each other, moving together even as she ordered the computer to provide appropriate music.

"I suppose in general I'm used to taking the lead in a relationship, but it's not just our positions on the ship that make this… well…" They weren't dancing so much as swaying with their arms locked around each other, her head resting on his chest and his own head tilted down to rest on hers. "I told you once that your needs would always come first, and I meant that. Making you happy, well, that's what makes me happy. But you're right that the rules have changed, and I'm not sure of my moves here, and maybe I have to find that line between moving this too fast and not pushing at all, but…"

"Just being here with you, like this, makes me happy." She said softly, leaning back just enough to look up into his eyes. "And we'll work on figuring out that line together."

Chakotay let one of his hands slid up her back, gently cupping her cheek. "How about we start now?"

His voice was teasing and slightly husky, and she responded to that as much as to the twinkle in his eyes, her own voice turning teasingly sensual. "What did you have in mind?"

He leaned a few inches closer as his thumb brushed lightly back and forth over her cheek, dimples flashing in silent reply.

There was a decidedly unwelcome beep. "Bridge to the captain."

She let out a deep sigh, resting her forehead against his chest for a second as she mumbled, "Why am I not surprised?"

She felt his frustrated groan even as she spoke louder, "Janeway here."

"Captain, we've picked up a distress call from an unknown ship." Lieutenant Russell, in command of gamma shift, said over the com. "They're about a light year away, sensors show they've suffered an almost complete power failure."

"Set a course, maximum warp." Kathryn instructed. "All senior officers report to the bridge. Janeway out."

Chakotay had already released her and was heading for the door. Although a distress call wouldn't have caused all senior officers to be called to the bridge in the Alpha Quadrant, they had met far too many hostile species out here to take chances. "I'll just change quick and see you on the bridge." He said once she had closed the channel, trying to pull his mind away from her and back to his duties.

She was halfway out the door behind him before his comment caused her to look down and laugh softly. "That might have made an interesting first impression." Her eyes tilted down shyly. "I guess I'm still a little distracted."

Still in the doorway, he reached out enough to tip her face back up. "That makes two of us. We'll get the hang of switching back and forth. I'll see you on the bridge, Captain."

Captain Janeway nodded once, sharply. "See you there." Then she stepped back into her quarters to change, and the door swished shut between them.

Chakotay let out a deep sigh as he headed into his quarters.

He had been waiting what seemed like forever to kiss her. It wouldn't kill him to wait another day. He just prayed nothing happened before he got the chance. Pushing the thought, and the memory that had caused it, back into the recesses of his mind, he changed into uniform quickly and headed to the bridge.

=/\=

_Captain's Log, Stardate 54631.2_

_We responded to a general distress call at 00:15 from a ship we now know to be from a planet named Niichan. The ship had been damaged by an unknown spatial phenomenon, and their warp reactor was going critical when we reached them. We evacuated all 42 members of the crew, but were unable to prevent the destruction of the ship. We are now in route to Niichan to bring the crew of the ship home._

"Enter" Captain Janeway called out as the door to her ready room chimed.

"We should be arriving at Niichan around 09:00 tomorrow, Captain." Chakotay reported. "We've already been in communication with the planet, and the senior staff has been invited to a banquet tomorrow in thanks for us rescuing their crew."

She smiled. "Very good. Anything we need to know about the culture?"

"Seven is still going over the cultural database they sent us, but there doesn't seem to be anything too odd." He replied as he took the seat across from her. "They've only been warp-capable for about thirty years however, and have only reached warp 4. As a result, they've encountered only a few alien species so far."

Janeway's eyebrows lifted in interest. "These kind of first contacts can be intriguing. Any indication of how they'll react to our advanced technology? I remember how amazed they were by our universal translator."

"They've already requested that technology." Chakotay chuckled. "They already have replicators, apparently that was one of the first major techs they developed. And they've seen transporters before, although they've only taken the first steps towards creating them."

She hummed thoughtfully. "The Universal Translator is one of the few technologies that Starfleet doesn't mind giving other races. Probably because of how many difficulties we had without it."

Chakotay chuckled. "It is hard to imagine not having it."

Kathryn grinned back at him. "I've read some of the reports from the earliest Starships; it did make for some not-so-smooth first contacts."

"I can imagine." Chakotay said as he rose. "I'll have Seven send you anything important she finds on protocol for the banquet, or just in general. Anything else?"

She gave him the smile she shared only with him. "Be my escort for the banquet?"

"You really think you have to ask?" His dimples flashed in return.

Her eyes twinkled. "We still on for dinner tonight?"

Chakotay nodded. "I've got Holodeck 1 reserved at 19:00. Where do you feel like going?"

"Surprise me."

His eyebrows raised slightly before a smile bloomed. For a woman who normally hated surprises, he knew how much trust had been expressed by those two simple words.

=/\=

Tom smirked, marking down yet another bet on his trusty PADD as Ensign Kyoto wandered away from his and Harry's table.

B'Elanna shook her head ever as she sat down, her lunch tray clinking softly on the table. "They spent last night flirting, dancing, and left the holodeck hand in hand. Just what exactly are you taking bets on?"

"They were still holding hands when they reached Deck 3."

A voice from behind them caused all three senior officers to look over at a smiling lieutenant.

Tom leaned back in his chair conspiratorially. "Really?"

Russell merely nodded and turned back to resume eating.

But anyone who thought that would be enough for Tom didn't know him very well. "You saw them?"

The older man sighed as he turned back around, speaking in a tone so frank he might have been giving a report. "They were getting off the turbolift, both smiling, and holding hands. Even when the Captain stopped to say a few words to me, she didn't drop his hand."

Tom exchanged a smirk with Harry, then turned back to Russell. "You don't sound nearly as interested in this as most of the crew. But it doesn't seem like it bothers you."

"I've been in Starfleet a long time, Paris." Russell said with another sigh, but he did lean over enough to keep his voice low while still allowing all three other officers to hear him. "Well, longer than any of you anyway. On my posting before _Voyager_, my captain was briefly involved with another officer on the ship. It was the talk of the ship for a little while, much like it has become here, but it died down soon enough. Once people realized that it didn't really affect them at all, except for the fact that they had a happier captain, and that they were intruding upon the captain's personal life, they let it go."

To his credit, Tom did wince slightly at the comment about intruding on the captain's personal life, but he had to ask, "Did the relationship work out?"

"No." Russell replied simply, then seeing the upset look on Harry's face added, "But that was different. For one thing the captain was older, more set in his ways. For another, she had just transferred to the ship and they hadn't known each other before that. She almost died on an away mission, and soon after transferred off the ship. The rumor mill had several theories going around, but the most popular was that he couldn't deal with the idea of loving someone under his command, someone he might have to send on a mission that could get them killed."

Tom felt B'Elanna's hand grasp his and squeeze gently. They could both certainly understand those feelings, and they weren't in a direct line of command to each other.

"I think something inside her would break if he died." B'Elanna spoke up softly. "I know something in him would if he lost her. But that's been true for years now, and they've dealt with it so far."

Harry's smile was almost grim. "Then we just have to make sure nothing happens to either of them."

"Been doing that for years now." Tom said with a chuckle, eyes flipping back to the lieutenant at the next table. "So I'm assuming you don't want in on the betting pool?"

"As your wife pointed out, it is fairly obvious they're together now." Russell replied. "What do you still have a pool on?"

"New pool, started just last night." Tom grinned. "I had to close the other one out about a year ago, when it seemed there was no hope the ayes would win. This one, rather than when they would start a romantic relationship, is how long it will take them to officially admit it."

B'Elanna groaned. "And flirting and holding hands in public doesn't do that? They were obviously on a date, that's pretty much admitting it. What, you want them to start kissing on the bridge, or make a shipwide announcement or something?"

Russell merely shook his head and turned back towards his lunch, even as Harry began chuckling. "Well, stranger things have happened out here."

=/\=

Kathryn paused to catch her breath as the doors to the holodeck slid shut behind her. A table was set for two on a large patio that stretched between two huge marble pillars. She took several steps forward, marveling at the beauty of the view beyond the table. A huge turquoise ocean filled her vision, sparkling in the reflected light of a slowly setting sun.

"Good surprise?" His voice came from behind her, and her breath hitched as his arms slid around her gently.

She wrapped her arms around his own. "It's beautiful. Where are we?"

"Greece, a private villa." Chakotay's voice came low in her ear. "One of Tom's programs, although I turned off the characters."

Kathryn chuckled. "Scantily clad girls flitting around?"

"Now why would you think that?" He questioned, humor in his voice as he slid around to her side, leaving a hand on the small of her back to escort her to the table.

"Because I've visited several of Tom's programs." She chuckled as he pulled out a chair for her, shivering slightly as he trailed his fingers lightly along the back of her neck before rounding the table and sitting across from her.

"But not this one?" He asked, amused at how her eyes continued to flicker around absorbing the atmosphere.

She shook her head. "Just the more public ones." Her eyes turned flirty. "Besides, it wouldn't be nearly as nice without the company."

Chakotay grinned, raising a champagne glass in her direction. "I couldn't agree more."

She raised her glass and tapped it to his. "Cheers."

Their conversation remained light and cheerful during the meal, shifting fluidly between work and personal with a light flirting tone interwoven throughout. The awkwardness of the previous evening did not reappear; years of friendship combined with their brief discussion having been enough to completely clear the air. At least for the moment.

They sat talking for over an hour, sharing an amazing rice and vegetable dish, laughter frequently echoing off the marble surrounding them. He excused himself for a moment when they were done eating, slipping into the house to retrieve their dessert.

Kathryn rose once he was gone, wandering towards the edge of the patio and leaning her elbows on the wide stone railing to watch as the last sliver of sun slipped below the horizon.

His arms slipped around her once again from behind, and she leaned back into his warm chest as he set a small plate with some kind of pastry on the balcony. "One of the things I miss most about being on a planet is sunsets."

"It is beautiful." She said softly, her hands moving up to link with his own.

"So are you." His voice was husky as he kissed her temple lightly, tightening his arms slightly. "Part of me still worries that this is just a dream."

She relaxed more fully against him. "If it is I never want to wake up." They were silent for several minutes, just relaxing together and enjoying the moment of peace, before she questioned with a lilt in her voice, "So in your dreams, who kisses who?"

She could feel his heartbeat accelerate, and his warm breath blowing over her ear made her shiver slightly as he answered, "Depends on the dream. On the circumstances, the location…"

She turned in his arms, hands coming to rest familiarly on his chest. "Which one is your favorite?"

He reached out to tuck some hair behind her ear. "They're all perfect."

She rolled her eyes, once again taking in the view around her. "But if you had to pick…"

He grinned, flashing dimples forcing her to catch her breath, as he understood her meaning. "Computer, run program Chakotay alpha-two-one-five."

"Enter clearance."

Kathryn's eyebrows rose at the computer's request, knowing how rarely holodeck programs were locked that way. Then her eyes widened in shock as the setting around them changed in acknowledgement of his code, and she was standing on a planet she hadn't seen in around five years.

"Chakotay…" Her hands still resting on his chest, his arms still around her, she only briefly glanced around before looking up into his warm eyes even as one of his hands slid up to cup her cheek.

"It's my favorite dream because it was the first." He said softly even as he lowered his head. "The first time I really considered kissing you, and the first time I let myself believe there could be more than friendship between us."

She smiled gently as she slid her arms up to wrap around his broad shoulders. "I've dreamed of us being here too."

Beep. "Torres to the captain."

Without moving a muscle, Kathryn responded, "Janeway here."

"Captain, I finally finished that report on upgrading the ECH. I really need to go over a few things with you, and…"

"Can it wait until morning, B'Elanna?" Kathryn's eyes were still locked on his, flickering back and forth between amusement, resignation, and desire.

"Of course Captain, sorry to disturb you."

"I'll have time after our morning briefing, Janeway out." She smiled almost full out then. "I don't know about you, but that never happens in my dreams."

He laughed briefly with her even as he lowered his head. Instead of answering, he raised his other hand to cup her face as well, and he felt her body shift as she rose to her toes to meet him halfway.

Before anything else could interrupt, Chakotay did something he had been wanting to do, dreamed of doing, for almost five years now.

He let his eyes slide shut as emotions rocked through him, and whispered that he loved her an instant before his lips met hers in a tender kiss.

=/\=

TBC…


	6. Saving Forever

Disclaimer: Star Trek Voyager belongs to Paramount, the writers, and whoever else can legally claim it. I am writing for fun and not monetary reward. My only reward is letting the characters have all the love they deserve.

AN: Thanks so much to everyone who reviewed the previous chapter. I think I responded to everyone personally, but if I missed anyone I just wanted to make sure you knew that your comments were much appreciated. Time to add to the romance for a little while and let all the characters come out to play. Reference to 'Shattered' here, which will continue into the next chapter, cause why just play with one episode when you can add in more? I will explain my reasoning for how this part of the storyline came to be at the end, I don't want to ruin anything before the fact. Enjoy and please review!

* * *

Parts of You

By Lady Callista

=/\=

Chapter Six: Saving Forever (One of the Very Few Times a Temporal Annoyance Turns Out to Have Been a Good Thing)

=/\=

Perfect.

That single word flitted through Chakotay's consciousness as his lips brushed hers, and then even that drifted away and there was nothing but feeling.

Her body trembling against him as that first brush of lips became a second. Her head tilting slightly in his hands as she deepened the kiss. The soft skin of her neck as one of his hands left her cheek to trail downward, tracing her collarbone. Her fingers trailing over the back of her neck. The soft sigh he swallowed as her body shifted and came into full contact with his own.

His other hand left her cheek then, carefully avoiding her chest as it skimmed lightly down her side, tightening on her hip involuntarily as she deepened the kiss yet again.

They were both gasping for breath when they finally had to break apart.

Chakotay slid his other hand from her face to the small of her back, eyes still closed as he tilted his head to rest his forehead against hers. His voice was still husky as he whispered once again, "I love you."

Kathryn pulled back slightly, letting her hands slide down to rest on his chest. She opened her eyes finally, still breathing deeply. "How did I wait so many years for this?"

His eyes opened at her breathy voice, his own a deep groan as he replied, "And this is why I never pushed you. I knew a taste would never be enough."

She gave a husky laugh as she rose back to her toes. "You're right, it's not."

Tenderness and awe shifted to passion as their lips met yet again.

=/\=

_The next evening, in orbit of the planet Niichan_

"Welcome back." B'Elanna nodded to the away team as they materialized on the transporter pad. "Have fun?"

Tom let out a groan as he and Harry stepped down off the pad. "Well they're friendly enough, but they make Neelix look like a master conversationalist."

"Nothing but questions." Harry added. "First one thing, than another, with barely room to answer in between. And when the questions stop the random, inane small talk begins."

"It was like being in a room filled with a hundred clones of Commander Hutchinson." Kathryn commented dryly as she and Chakotay also descended. "I'm not sure why they even wanted the Universal Translator, it's not like they ever really say anything."

Chakotay laughed. "Thankfully I've only met Hutch once, and I was able to not get stuck with him for very long. But Tom's right, they were friendly. Also the food was good, and as thanks for rescuing their crew they're giving us a few hundred kilos of foodstuffs, as well as some deuterium and a few other things we were running low on."

"In other words, all in all it was a successful first contact." Kathryn handed B'Elanna a pad. "Here's the coordinates of the supplies, beam them directly to the cargo bay, tell the bridge to break orbit once you have it all aboard. Oh, and make sure Neelix has the Doctor help him scan all the food before he starts serving it. We checked everything we ate and it was fine, but you can never be too careful."

"Yeah, Neelix manages to make someone sick often enough, and that's with food that should be safe for us to eat." Tom joked as everyone laughed.

"Well, after that banquet I may not eat for a day." Kathryn answered with a smile. "I want reports from everyone by 0800 tomorrow. Enjoy the rest of your evening, gentlemen, B'Elanna."

She caught Chakotay's eye, and he grinned at the mischievous glint in hers before stepping to her side. They walked out of the transporter room together, leaving three junior officers with smirks on their faces.

"Well, we know _they'll_ enjoy the rest of _their_ evening."

=/\=

They didn't walk down the corridor holding hands this time, but that didn't stop the sparks from snapping between them.

"Join me for a nightcap?" Chakotay asked as they exited the turbolift on their deck.

Kathryn grinned at him. "Of course." Her quarters were one door closer, and he didn't object as he walked in behind her.

The door had barely finished closing behind them when he pulled her into his arms and kissed her deeply. She gasped in shock and stiffened slightly, and his first instinct was to pull back and apologize. Before he could do so her arms were around his shoulders and she was matching his fervor.

He hummed low in his throat when they finally parted to draw much needed breath. "I've wanted to do that all day."

"Mmmm." Kathryn grinned as her fingers slid around his neck and up to trace over his tattoo. She had memorized each line long ago, but still felt a thrill at being able to touch him so intimately. "We may have to start meeting for breakfast _and _dinner."

"You drink your breakfast." He husked as his hands slid lightly up and down her sides, making her shiver slightly.

"That's cause I'm not awake until I've had at least two cups of coffee." She grinned as she started placing light kisses along his jaw line. "Well, either coffee or a red alert."

"Shhh." His dimples flashed. "Don't say that. We get interrupted enough."

She pulled back to look into his eyes and they both held their breath for a moment, as if waiting for the klaxons to start sounding, then as one burst out laughing.

The laughter ended when their lips met again, and this time the kiss was brief but incredibly intense. His hands on her back molded their bodies together, and she could feel the evidence of his desire for her.

Chakotay broke the kiss with a gasp, pulling back from her. "As much as I hate to say this, I should probably go now. That line between not pushing you at all and moving too fast is getting awfully thin."

She gave him a minx-like smile he had never seen on her face. "We've been the next thing to a couple for years now, Chakotay. I think your definition of moving too fast is different from mine."

His eyes widened in amazement as she drew him in for another passionate kiss, although this time she was the one who ended it.

Kathryn's smile grew more coy. "Although they do say that anticipation is half the fun."

"Spirits," Chakotay groaned as he tried to get his breathing back under control. "You're going to be the death of me."

"La petite mort." She grinned as she took a small step back to keep herself from jumping him. She didn't want to stop. It had been so long since she'd let herself feel like this, let herself just be in the moment with someone she loved. She reveled in the feeling of just being a woman, and the power so different from that of a captain. Although she really was enjoying the anticipation, she also knew she wasn't quite ready for things to go further yet. He could still overwhelm her with the simplest touch, and she treasured that even as she was slightly panicked by it. Things had never been this intense before, not with anyone, and she knew it wasn't just the years of denial.

"Kathryn?"

She smirked at the question in his voice even as she realized she was letting her thoughts get away from her. "La petite mort. It's from an old Earth language known as French, the same language the word Maquis came from, actually."

"And it means?" Chakotay questioned, still holding her loosely even as his body demanded he pull her against him again. He wanted to drown in the scent and taste of her, but could sense that she wasn't ready for that yet. He wasn't sure he was either.

She laughed fully, pulling back to lean slightly unsteadily against the bulkhead. "It means 'the little death.' It was what they called a really… intense… orgasm."

His eyes widened in shock as she spoke the last word, her voice still husky. "I really do need to go now." As long as he had wanted her, he had dreamed of more than just their first kiss. But when he finally made love with her he wanted it to be slow and sweet, something he wasn't sure he would be capable of until they both grew more used to the overwhelming physical reaction they had to each other. Although the idea of staying, of spending the night with her, making love to her, and waking with her in his arms, was very tempting. His voice turned hesitant, he wouldn't say no if she wanted him to stay, but… "Unless you want me to stay."

She used every iota of her control as she slid into his arms again, keeping the kiss light and sweet, her love for him showing clearly. "Soon."

And with that promise she gave him a light shove towards the doorway. He left on unsteady feet before either one of them could change their minds.

=/\=

The last few days had been calm and uneventful, and the light banter that accompanied the changeover from Gamma to Alpha shift reflected that.

As was her habit, Captain Kathryn Janeway had arrived about ten minutes early and was already ensconced in her command chair, fully updated and the officer she had replaced already on his way to his quarters, when the rest of her senior officers took their stations.

Kathryn watched Tom replace Ensign Jenkins at the helm, interspersing jokes about tomorrow's party in the mess hall with an update that the starboard nacelle was acting up slightly, but that Engineering was already working on the problem. Jenkins left the bridge with a laugh that she would save him a dance at the party if his wife didn't seem to be in a nose-breaking mood.

Harry slid into Crewman Foster's place at Operations, laughing as she asked him her normal question of whether it was safe to go to the mess hall at the moment or if she should spend some replicator rations. Thinking of the blue gelatinous substance Neelix had been serving when he dropped in for breakfast before shift, Harry advised her that a date with her replicator was probably a good idea. Kathryn imagined Harry's blush as Foster teased that she'd rather have a date with him, and knew the woman had winked at him when she heard Harry's laugh. She reminisced on how years ago it would have been an embarrassed choking sound rather than a laugh she heard.

Lieutenant Ayala knew better than to engage in small talk with Tuvok as he handed over the tactical station, but she did hear him chatting with several of the junior officers from the aft stations as they left the bridge, hopeful that the next package of communications from Starfleet would include a letter from one of his sons, who had just had a birthday.

"Good morning, Captain." Chakotay's smile grew larger as she startled out of her thoughts at his greeting, wondering what had put that far-away look into her eyes but grateful that it seemed to have been something happy. He had an idle thought that hoped she was daydreaming about their kiss the night before. Or the one the night before that. Or maybe the one from yesterday morning.

They had planned to meet for breakfast as they had for the past two days, but circumstances and duty had conspired against them. He wondered if it was pathetic that he had greatly missed that morning half hour of alone time with her.

"Good morning, Commander." Her smile grew as he settled into his chair at her side. She leaned closer to him, lowering her voice. "I was just thinking how nice it was to hear normal friendly chatter on the bridge instead of repair updates, talk of shortages, or battle plans."

"It is rather nice, isn't it?" His dimples flashed. "And in that vein, are we still on for dinner tonight?"

"As long as you're cooking." Her lips tipped up in her normal half-smile. "I need to make it about an hour later than normal though, Naomi asked if I would join her on the holodeck from 1800 to 1930. I think she wants me to teach her Velocity."

Chakotay laughed deeply. "Next it'll be pool."

"She'll have to get a bit taller first." Kathryn joked as she rose and collected half of the PADDs stacked between their chairs. "You have the bridge, Chakotay. I'll be in my ready room."

"Aye, Captain." He replied as he picked up the top PADD of the ones remaining on the table between their chairs. She would expect him in her ready room with a summary of his half of the reports in about an hour. He smiled to himself as Tom and Harry started bantering across the bridge about the newest holoprogram they were working on, and with a sigh he tried to forget how her blue eyes had been sparkling and bring his attention to the Engineering report.

=/\=

"Come in." Kathryn called out as her ready room door chimed, glancing in surprise at the chronometer in the corner of her computer screen. Was it really 0900 already? She was still only halfway through her second to last report.

Chakotay grinned as he took in the placement of the PADDs on her desk even as he took a seat in the chair opposite her. "Been slacking off again, Kathryn?" He wanted to move around the desk and kiss her, but they had promised themselves that they would remain professional while on duty.

She gave him a subdued version of her death glare, made somewhat less scary by the fact that it was obvious she was trying to keep from laughing. Finally she gave a ruthful shake of her head as she rose and crossed to the replicator. "Tomorrow you can wade through Seven's Astrometrics report, and we'll see who finishes first. Coffee?"

"Tea." His dimples flashed at her standard offer.

"One of these days I'll get you to see the error of your ways." She grinned back at him before turning to the replicator. "Coffee, black. Tea, Chakotay blend 5." She was just about to reach for the beverages when Tuvok paged her over the comm system.

"Janeway here." She sighed as she picked up her coffee and took a gulp.

"Captain, two ships have just de-cloaked directly in our path, we will reach them in less than two minutes at our present speed."

"Reduce speed and hail them, we'll be right there." Kathryn ordered, moving back towards her desk to set down her coffee regretfully. It would be cold by the time she got back to it.

"They have just hailed us, Captain." Tuvok continued calmly. "They give us peaceful greetings from the Ungoliant Empire…"

_Ungoliant Empire. _The face of an adult Icheb and his urgent words flashed into Chakotay's mind as the countdown began in his head. _Four._

Chakotay's chair toppled as he shot to his feet and moved towards her even as he called out_, _"Red Alert." _Three._

In one smooth motion he swept a shocked Kathryn up into his arms and charged out the door on to the bridge even as he ordered, "Shields up! Full power to phasers!" _Two._

The klaxons began to blare immediately as the computer processed his command, but the seemingly bizarre orders, combined with the image of the irate captain in his arms demanding to know what the hell he was doing, caused the entire bridge crew to freeze for a split second. _One._

"Shields!" Chakotay shouted as he set Kathryn on her feet, holding her tightly against him as he grabbed the railing beside him. _Zero._

The ship shook under the first barrage of torpedoes before Tuvok could comply.

Chakotay released her the instant the bridge stopped shaking and they both charged down to the command deck.

"Report!" All questions were forgotten as the bridge fell into battle mode.

"Two more ships just de-cloaked right on our tail!" Tom yelled.

"Shields now up at full strength, phasers and photon torpedoes armed." Tuvok reported tersely.

"We've got hull breaches on decks one and two, emergency forcefields are holding." Harry reported as another wave of torpedoes hit the shields and the bridge quaked again.

"Don't fight, reverse course." Chakotay ordered tersely, "Paris, get us out of here at Warp 9."

"Do it!" Kathryn's voice echoed his without hesitation. Somehow he had known this attack was coming, and the reasons didn't matter at the moment. She trusted his judgment.

The humming of the engines changed as the ship jumped to high warp and fled. "Are they following us?" Kathryn asked after a few seconds.

"They began to Captain, but it appears they are only capable of Warp 7. They're falling back." Tuvok reported at once.

"Any way we can scan for other cloaked ships?" Chakotay questioned.

"It will take a few moments to analyze sensor logs, Commander, see if we picked up anything when they were de-cloaking or in the seconds before." Harry was already beginning the analysis.

"I want full damage reports as soon as possible." Kathryn ordered as she headed over towards the engineering station and began to work in concert with the ensign stationed there.

Chakotay was already in his seat, having anticipated her request and begun pulling up reports on their shared console.

Everyone worked in silence for a few minutes as the red alert klaxons continued to ring.

"Sickbay reports no deaths. Three injuries, two minor and one severe but stable." Chakotay reported finally. "All main systems are functioning normally, although one of the hull breaches blew out the power for half of deck two. Emergency forcefields are holding on both that and the breach on deck one, although we'll have to drop out of maximum warp fairly soon and work on the power relays for deck two unless we want to lose that forcefield."

"Computer, cancel the red alert." Kathryn said even as she nodded at his report. "Bridge to Astrometrics."

"Seven here, Captain."

"Seven, try to find us somewhere to hide while we make repairs to the hull breaches." She hated having to use the word hide.

"I have anticipated your request, Captain." Seven said at once. "There is a Class T Nebula less than a light year away along our present course."

"Excellent." Kathryn replied as she headed back up to the command deck. "Send the coordinates to the helm. Mr. Paris, get us to that nebula and then hold position inside it. Mr. Kim, what's the word on those sensor logs?"

"There was a surge of tetryon particles in our wake for almost a full minute that dissipated when those ships de-cloaked behind us." Harry responded. "But it was not present around the ships that de-cloaked in front of us."

"Captain, several types of cloaking devices used by races in the Alpha Quadrant have been observed putting out tetryon particles while at their maximum warp speeds." Tuvok added. "Some also give off these particles all the time, but that does not appear to be the case here."

"Well, it's something." Kathryn replied with a small smile as she sank into her chair. "I want constant long range scans looking for tetryon particles, as well as all the other scans typically used to detect cloaked ships. Once we're in the nebula we won't be able to scan for them anymore, but hopefully they won't be able to detect us either."

"We'll be there in three minutes, ma'am." Tom informed her even as the ship shuddered slightly and his hands flew over the consol. "That's just the imbalance in the starboard nacelle we had before our lovely first contact, it'll be fine until we reach the nebula."

"Understood." Kathryn snapped before finally directing her full attention to Chakotay. "Care to explain why you ordered red alert at a hail that said they were peaceful? Or why you carted me out of my ready room?"

Chakotay took a brief second to study her, remembering her shock and anger as he had hauled her up into his arms and charged out of her ready room. He had planned that moment over and over in his mind, knowing that even a slight hesitation on her part if he simply told her to get out might have been fatal for them both.

She had been screaming at him, demanding to know what the hell he thought he was doing. He swallowed a chuckle that threatened to rise at the image they must have presented. Even as the adrenaline drained away, he knew it wasn't funny. Kathryn had probably thought he had been possessed by an alien or some other strange Delta Quadrant phenomenon.

As he tried to remember those frantic moments he did realize that although she had ordered him to put her down before screaming at him, she hadn't tried to fight him physically. Some part of her trusted him enough to know there might have been a perfectly logical reason for his actions.

Chakotay could see various emotions swirling through her eyes, but despite her hard voice he could see that she wasn't mad at him. In retrospect, she could see that her trust had obviously been well placed, as he had been correct about the hostile intentions of the other species. She was, however, very confused. Without breaking eye contact with her, Chakotay raised his voice. "Mr. Kim, where is the hull breach on deck one?"

"It's…" Harry pulled up the readings, then gasped in shock.

"Ensign, report!" Kathryn snapped in full command voice.

"It's your ready room, ma'am. One of the torpedoes hit it dead on. Forcefields are holding along the interior wall and both entrances, but it's just… gone."

Her eyes widened in shock as the bridge went dead silent. For the emergency fields in those locations to be activated, the torpedo must have destroyed enough of the room that the external forcefields had been insufficient, meaning that if she and Chakotay had been in the room they would have been blown out into space.

"How?" Although barely a whisper, Kathryn's voice cut across the still silent bridge. She hadn't broken eye contact with her first officer.

His eyes closed briefly as he took a deep breath before staring into her curious eyes again. Behind the curiosity and confusion he saw the knowledge that they would both be dead if not for what he had done. Even knowing that she wouldn't let it go this time, he had to try. "Temporal Prime Directive. I can't tell you."

She rose to her full height, hands on her hips as she glared down at him. "That's not gonna fly this time."

He sighed more deeply. "I didn't think it would." And technically, he couldn't even invoke the directive this time, as he himself had broken it.

She saw that truth in his eyes, in the mix of relief and love swirling through them, but before she could decide what to do about it Tom spoke from the helm.

"Dropping to impulse power now, Captain. We're entering the nebula."

"Good job, Tom." Kathryn called out, then lowered her voice to speak to Chakotay. "We're going to discuss this later, to hell with the Temporal Prime Directive." She would also question the slight humor that flashed into his eyes even as he nodded. She raised her voice again. "Bridge to Engineering. We're going to need some damage control teams."

"I've already got teams in route to both hull breaches, Captain." B'Elanna's brisk voice came back. "And another team working on the blown power relays on deck two. I can't give you a solid estimate yet, but it won't be less than fifteen hours with those breaches."

"Understood." Kathryn sighed as she sank back into her chair. "Use anyone you need and keep me informed. Janeway out."

Chakotay continued working on coordinating reports on the consol between their chairs, looking up after a moment when he felt her eyes on him. She reached out and gripped his hand briefly, and he squeezed it back.

"We would both be dead right now if you hadn't…" Her voice was very soft, meant for his ears alone, and trailed off as conflicting emotions again swirled in her eyes.

"I did mean what I said about it being a temporal issue, but I'll tell you everything about it later if you want me to." Chakotay said just as softly. "I'd rather you just let it go, but I know that you can't."

She gave him a small, wry smile. "No, I can't. I might be able to deal with my curiosity if it was just about us, but as the captain…"

He nodded his understanding. "Later."

She was about to respond when B'Elanna paged her, and with a deep breath she dropped Chakotay's hand and they both got back to work.

=/\=

To be continued….

* * *

AN2: First off, I'm going to say I understand why time travel gives Kathryn a headache. This idea certainly gave me one when I first began considering it. Second, I'm going to try and give you my thinking here. Exactly what happened and how Chakotay knew will be revealed in the next part, but I wanted to explain myself now. If you had 'Shattered' in your mind while reading this you may already have an idea. Hopefully you'll agree with my line of reasoning.

My assumption upon seeing future Naomi and Icheb together on _Voyager_ was that in their timeline, _Voyager_ had not yet returned to the Alpha Quadrant. Particularly given the comment that "we've had 17 years to upgrade…" Not Starfleet, _We_. This makes sense considering they only made it home in 'Endgame' because Admiral Janeway came back, and if Janeway had died 17 years ago in N & I's timeline, then she could never have returned to bring the ship home.

This led me to wonder what event had caused Kathryn and Chakotay's deaths 17 years prior to future N & I's time, and how it had been prevented. Because since 'Endgame' happened Janeway obviously did not die, which means something must have happened to change that timeline. We also know that in that timeline Chakotay did die, but not until 2394, just before _Voyager_ finally made it back to Earth. So not only did Kathryn not die in whatever incident killed her in future N & I's timeline, but neither did Chakotay.

Based upon Naomi and Icheb's appearance/approximate age, and the fact that Icheb's comment about Neelix and the cider makes me think that is one of his last memories of Chakotay, I decided the event that kills our intrepid command team must have occurred not that long after 'Shattered.' (Also, Memory Alpha says that the future Icheb and Naomi were from 2394, and although it gives no indication of how it got this date that would be very consistent with the Kathryn and Chakotay of their timeline dying within half a year or so after 'Shattered.')

So I asked my muse how they died in future N & I's timeline, and how that could be prevented. Hence this part of the storyline was born. It worked great to give Kathryn the push she needed. And yes, as with any story that gets J&C together it does leave a strong possibility that 'Endgame' never happens. Oh well, we'll just assume they get home quickly some other way.

And I just realized how long that explanation was and wonder if anyone bothered to read it. The next part will totally be dedicated to you if you did and tell me what you think of this theory. (Which I believe is unique as I can't recall reading any other fanfics with it. Although if you know of one please tell me, I would love to read it)


	7. A Missing Part

Disclaimer: Star Trek Voyager and its characters belong to Paramount, the writers, and whoever else can legally claim it. I am writing for fun and not profit. I'll return them to their owners if I can ever manage to convince them they'll be happier there.

AN: Dedicated to Laura W, ForensAnthro, badmelk, red2007, mabb5, jcat30, hester4418, WolfGirl1331, and Trinket7. I'd give all of you a shiny gold star, or sexy pictures of Chakotay, if I could. /hugs\

Thanks so much to all of you for you feedback on the last chapter, and for agreeing with my timeline idea. It was awesome to hear your different comments on it. (Also, many of you have been constant reviewers of both this and my other J/C fics, for which I am deeply grateful.) Thanks in particular to red2007, who commented that I may have started a new trend with this idea, and that other authors may soon be writing Shattered codas where he prevents their deaths. That would be totally awesome; I would love to read all the different possibilities of how he saves them and the fallout between them from it. Speaking of fallout, here's the next chapter…

* * *

Parts of You

By Lady Callista

=/\=

Chapter Seven: A Missing Part (Of Your Life You Will Now Know About)

=/\=

Beta shift was nearly half over by the time Chakotay went off duty. He had been on the bridge the entire time, coordinating repairs while the captain worked with B'Elanna and her teams. The last time he had checked the two women were deep in the Jeffries tubes of deck two, trying to track down a problem with the secondary EPS relays that had developed from the power overload.

His command presence melted away as the door to his quarters closed behind him, and his shoulders slumped as he rubbed a hand tiredly through his hair. He couldn't decide if he wanted food or a shower more. He also had to decide exactly what he was going to tell Kathryn when she dropped by for a full explanation, which knowing her as he did he was certain would happen about five minutes after she went off duty. With that in mind he headed for the shower, deciding that dinner could wait until she arrived, at least that way he would be sure she had eaten something today.

He undressed on his way to the bathroom, uncharacteristically letting his clothes drop to the floor in a trail behind him. It wasn't so much the twelve hour shift that had worn him down, as unfortunately those weren't that infrequent, but rather the mental and emotional stress that had started the instant he heard Tuvok say the words Ungoliant Empire. Actually, to be fair, it had started the first time he heard that name mentioned, and continued on a low burn in the back of his mind ever since.

Ever since a future version of Icheb had pulled him away from a past version of Kathryn to deliver a hurried but slightly cryptic message, he had been both anticipating and dreading hearing those two words again. And when they had slowly begun a romantic relationship just over a week ago both the dread and the anticipation had doubled, although he had tried to keep them from his mind. He had known what to do when it happened, and until that moment not only could he have done nothing, but she would have known like she always did that he was worried about something and pressured him to tell her.

Icheb's words had been simple.

_I don't want to contaminate things more than I have to but… but if there's a chance… In your near future, 17 years in my past, you're going to be in the ready room with the captain when Tuvok contacts you, saying you've received a peaceful hail from the Ungoliant Empire. Four seconds later they'll begin firing on you. From the moment you hear that name, you'll have four seconds to get yourself and the captain out of the ready room. Get out of the ready room! Then Voyager needs to retreat, and avoid further encounters with the Ungoliant Empire. Do you understand?_

The words spun round and round in his mind as the waves of the sonic shower spun around his body. He remembered his initial shock when Icheb and Naomi had told him that he and Kathryn died 17 years ago in their timeline, but he had pushed it out of his mind to first concentrate on his current mission. If the ship remained fractured like it was all of them were likely to die. He also remembered his relief when Icheb had pulled him aside on their way to Engineering for the showdown, and told him how to save Kathryn. It had spared him from having to ask both Icheb and Naomi and hope that one of them would break the rules and tell him.

The fact that he had violated the Temporal Prime Directive himself didn't really bother him; he would have done anything, broken absolutely any directive to save her, but it did put him in a slight quandary. The last time Kathryn had asked him about events covered by the directive, he had been able to rightly refuse to answer, as part of the directive was that anyone with memories of events from a future time was to never speak of them or put them in reports. Memories of events from the past were also forbidden to speak of if others had forgotten them.

This time he had actually violated the directive by using future knowledge to influence events, and according to the directive he was required to report that to his commanding officer. Which really was an asinine rule if he had ever heard one, because there was no way anyone would ever be able to prove it, so really the only way you could get in trouble for breaking it was if you turned yourself in.

And if it had been anyone but Kathryn there was no way he would consider reporting it.

Then again, if it had been anyone but her, he might not have broken it in the first place.

But he knew she had seen the truth in his eyes as he looked at her on the bridge. She had acknowledged that he had saved their lives, but somehow she had known that they were actually supposed to die, and he knew that once she started asking questions he would never be able to lie to her.

Although as he stepped out of the shower and moved into his bedroom to get dressed and await her arrival, he did realize one thing with absolute certainty. If their positions had been reversed, she would have done exactly the same thing.

To hell with the Temporal Prime Directive indeed.

=/\=

It was nearly an hour later when the door to his quarters chimed. Chakotay glanced quickly around the room. The clothes he had dropped on the way to the shower were properly put in the refresher, the food was on the table, and the candles were lit. The wine was breathing, two glasses already poured. He picked a single peach and yellow rose up from the table even as he called for her to come in.

Kathryn hesitated for a second in the doorway, as if what she was seeing wasn't quite what she had expected and she wasn't sure how to deal with it. Then a glint came to her eye as the door closed behind her, and her voice was teasing as she said, "It better be me you're expecting, but I don't remember planning a date."

He smiled as he approached her slowly, grateful that she wasn't in uniform. "We said we'd talk later. It's later."

Kathryn noticed absently that the food was still steaming. "How?"

Chakotay gave her a mysterious smile as he slid his hands around her waist, but didn't answer.

She put on a mock glare. "I swear, if you say Temporal Pri…"

He silenced her with a light kiss, then grinned as he presented her with the rose. "I had the computer notify me when you returned to your quarters. I knew after crawling around in conduits for half the day you'd want a shower. Well, you probably wanted a bath, but a shower was faster and your curiosity is eating you alive by this point."

She gave him a small smile as she brought the rose to her face. Instead of inhaling like he expected, she rubbed the soft petals lightly against her cheek. "I can't help but remember that the last time you gave me one of these was the day I almost died."

He wanted to ask 'Which time?', but her voice had turned serious and he lowered his to match. "I'll answer all your questions, but let's start eating before all my planning goes to waste."

She nodded, and started to move by him to take her customary seat when he suddenly pulled her into his arms, holding her tightly against him. "I'm sorry, I just.. I just need a minute."

Kathryn melted into him, her arms wrapping around him in return as she felt him tremble slightly before he buried his face in her neck, taking a deep breath and then another.

"I love you." She whispered the words softly, knowing that at the moment they would be the most important words he could hear.

Chakotay pulled back just enough to kiss her deeply, his hand sliding up into her hair while the other remained on her back to hold her close. After a long moment he gentled the kiss, then ended it with another hug before he released her and moved to the table to pull out her chair.

She set the rose beside her as he began to dish out some type of vegetable stew.

"You remember the last time I told you I couldn't tell you something because of the Temporal Prime Directive." He began as he sat across from her, passing the bread basket.

Kathryn nodded even as she helped herself to a roll.

"Most of what happened that day isn't important. I ended up resetting the timeline, so none of it really happened anyway. But it does relate to today." Chakotay had spent the past hour as he waited for her thinking about the clearest way to say this, and realized there was something he needed to know first. "I need to ask you something before I tell you what happened today though."

"Okay."

"When we were talking after dinner that night, you said you knew I had the cider hidden in the cargo bay, and you used the directive to say you couldn't tell me how you knew." Chakotay said. "I need to know if you were telling the truth." He couldn't believe that she wouldn't have told him if she remembered the events of that day, and she shouldn't remember, but if she did his explanation could be a whole lot shorter.

"I was just teasing." She cracked a small smile. "A few months before that, I was disciplining Paris for… I don't even remember what it was for that time. I assigned him to inventory the bay, and he found it."

Chakotay's eyes widened. "I can't believe he actually reported it to you. Or that it's still there."

Kathryn's smile turned mischievous. "He was probably afraid I had put it there just to see if he would report it. I knew it was yours obviously, so I let him believe it was mine and that I had put it there to test him. I told him to erase it from the official inventory, and that if any of it disappeared I would know exactly who to blame."

He chuckled around a mouthful of stew, swallowing quickly to say, "Sometimes you can be downright evil."

She laughed with him for a moment, and they ate in comfortable silence for a short while. Chakotay wanted to let the relaxed, happy mood ride before things got serious.

Kathryn was actually waiting for him to continue, although she continued to eat with a hunger born of a thirteen hour shift with no breaks. But as her eyes fell on the peace rose, she couldn't help but say softly, "We were supposed to die today, weren't we?"

"How can we ever say what is supposed to happen?" He countered, knowing it was a weak argument. "And even if we can, with the multitude of different universes and timelines out there, who is to say that somewhere we didn't die today?"

She tipped her wine glass to him in a half-toast. "Most temporal theorists would say that if you are in the future, anything that has already happened is supposed to happen. It's illegal to change anything based upon knowledge of future events, primarily because you don't know what else will change with that single action."

He gazed straight into her eyes, his love clearly visible. "I don't care what else it changes. I wasn't going to let you die if I could stop it."

"This is one of the things I was worried about." Her gaze dropped nervously.

"Kathryn, look at me." Chakotay said softly. He reached across the table to her, and waited until she took his hand and looked up before continuing. "If this had happened last year, or six years ago, I would have done exactly the same thing. Yes, my love for you made it easier to break the directive, but I would have done it even if I wasn't in love with you. Can you tell me honestly that if Tom or Harry had found out that you were going to die and they could prevent it, they wouldn't have? B'Elanna? Neelix? Hell, I think even Tuvok or Seven would find a way to make it the logical answer."

"I think pretty much anyone on this ship, if they found out two of their crewmates were going to die, would have broken the directive to stop it." Kathryn admitted softly. "I know I would have. I'm not sure what that says about us as Starfleet officers."

"It says that we're more than that." Chakotay smiled as he rubbed his thumb over the back of her hand. "We're a family, a community, and out here we're all we have. If we didn't bend some of the rules now and then to save our people, well, we would have a lot less people and a very low crew moral. It's harder to give your all if you think your leaders don't care about you personally. It's hard to make close connections when you know the person you're talking to today might be dead tomorrow. Believe me, I know."

She squeezed his hand in sympathy. "Life is Starfleet has its dangers, everyone knows that when they sign up. And being a Maquis wasn't exactly safe either." She raised her other hand to wave him off when he started to protest. "But I know what you're saying. None of us could have imagined the constant dangers we face out here, and none of us really signed on for this. So yeah, I'll bend the rules to get them home. I'll do almost anything to get us all home, even if it means Starfleet boots me out when we get there."

"If they boot you out once you get us home, I have a feeling most of the crew will resign in protest." He chuckled. "And considering that getting us home should get you a medal or a promotion, I don't even want to imagine what they'll do to the Maquis if they throw the book at _you_." His expression said just how unlikely he thought that was.

"Maybe they'll let us share a cell." Kathryn replied wryly, appreciating his humor and pushing the worries to the back of her mind, where they had lived for years now. Other than the fact that if she was discharged she couldn't help the Maquis, it didn't concern her. She _would_ get _Voyager_ home.

He grinned in reply. "And that's why you're the captain. You always find the silver lining."

She gave him her half-grin, but then turned serious. "And the silver lining today is that we're both alive. Will you tell me how?"

He nodded, grateful for the digressions that she had allowed. It had given him time to relax, to just enjoy spending a bit of time with her after the craziness of the day. "Can we move to the couch? I… I want to hold you. I've needed to all day."

She rose, keeping her hand in his as they both skirted around their sides of the table and moved to the couch, marveling at how different things were now than they would have been if this had happened only a few weeks ago. They wouldn't have been able to hold each other; the comfort each would have known they needed would have been impossible.

Those thoughts in mind, she waited until he had seated himself before dropping his hand, putting her hands on his knees and nudging them apart as she tilted her head, indicating she wanted him to slid back and sideways.

Chakotay smiled as he realized her intent and twisted sideways, pulling one of his legs up onto the couch, waiting to pull the other one up until she was settled between his legs, her own up on the couch as well and her back resting against his chest. His arms came around her, hands linking with hers and resting lightly on her stomach even as he angled them so that his back rested more comfortably against the back of the couch.

The last of his tension drained away at this new intimacy, and as she rested her head back on his shoulder he dropped a tender kiss to her temple.

"If I hadn't turned the main deflector into a lightning rod, the chronoton bolt would have fractured the ship into over thirty different temporal phases. Most of them were in our past." Chakotay let his mind float back as he spoke softly. "On the bridge it was nearly seven years ago, before we even met. Cargo Bay 2 was the Borg nest they created before I blew all of them but Seven out the airlock. The Doctor didn't have his mobile emitter yet, and macroviruses were flying around Deck 8. Astrometrics was different though. There it was 17 years in the future, and that's where we ran into Naomi and Icheb."

"We?" She questioned softly as she cuddled more closely into him.

He chuckled as he kissed her temple again. "Well, you see…"

She relaxed in his gentle embrace, letting her eyes slide shut as she listened to his rich voice tell her a fantastic story.

=/\=

To be continued….

* * *

AN2: Question for anyone and everyone: One of my reviewers told me that Justin is actually cannon, and that Kathryn told Chakotay about him in an episode. As far as I know that only happened in a short story, but does anyone remember it being in an episode? Cause I've seen them all lots of times, and I can't remember ever hearing the name. He's also not mentioned on M-A, so I assumed he wasn't cannon. I would actually love to be proven wrong here, cause I'd be so much more comfortable using him and their story if he was actually cannon. Anyone?

(We do hear in Coda how her father died, although it only mentions him freezing below the ice, and doesn't mention the accident, her decision, or Justin. Jeri Taylor has said, however, that this was indeed meant to refer to her book "Mosaic," which is where we learn about that incident fully. But one, that was in Kathryn's mind, and two, it still doesn't mention Justin.)


	8. Kiss Me

Disclaimer: Star Trek Voyager and its characters belong to Paramount, the writers, and whoever else can legally claim it. I am writing for fun and not profit. I'll return them to their owners if I can ever manage to convince them they'll be happier there.

AN: Getting near the end here, because unless I start tossing more problems at them I really can't drag this out much longer, lol. But as it's always bugged me when long stories just ignore anything but the romantic interactions of the two main characters and/or what's going on with all the other characters, it's time to hang with the rest of them some more, both on and off duty. I'm thinking just one more part after this one.

The Gratitude Festival is seen multiple times on DS9, the opening ceremony is taken from that series' "Fascination." There is to my knowledge no official translation, but I've made a guess that I like. The renewal scrolls and idea of the Festival were just so perfect at this point in the story. (And yeah, I'm a few months off on when it should take place, call it fanfic license.)

* * *

Parts of You

By Lady Callista

=/\=

Chapter Eight: Kiss Me (And Shock Into Silence People Who Have Seen Pretty Much Everything)

=/\=

At 1000 the next morning, the senior staff assembled for their normal daily briefing.

"Good morning, everyone." Kathryn greeted them as she strode into the room, cutting off the various conversations that had been going on as they waited for her. Everyone echoed her greeting as she crossed to her seat at the head of the table, the hand she brushed across Chakotay's shoulder as she passed behind him noticed by everyone but commented upon by no one.

"Let's get all the updates out of the way before I explain a few things about yesterday that I'm sure everyone is curious about." Kathryn started as she took a sip of the coffee that had been sitting by her chair, tossing Chakotay a grateful look. "Lieutenant Torres?"

"Well, all things considered, we actually took minimal damage during the attack yesterday. Warp and impulse power, all tactical systems, transporters, and all other secondary systems are fine." B'Elanna reported in a wry voice. "The damage consisted of two hull breaches, on decks one and two, which also blew the power relays and half a dozen other systems on deck two. The breach on deck two was actually fairly small, it just hit in exactly the wrong spot. The breach on deck one was…"

Tom reached over and squeezed her hand as she took a deep breath, her hand shaking slightly.

She cast a grateful look in his direction before continuing, "The breach on deck one struck dead center on the ready room, taking out nearly a three-meter diameter circle of the ceiling. In other words, over half the ceiling. The external emergency forcefield failed within a second of the hit, overloaded, but the secondary forcefields in the walls as well as several emergency bulkheads closing prevented further damage. Both breaches have been repaired, as well as all the complications on deck two. Although we did completely exhaust our stores of hull compounds, so let's try not to let anyone punch more holes in the hull until we can stock up again."

Kathryn nodded, a slight smile gracing her face at the humorous note B'Elanna tried to interject at the end. No one else smiled however, and she sighed.

"Compile a full list of all the metals we need, we'll be sure to keep an eye out." Kathryn said softly. "Mr. Paris?"

"We've been holding position inside a Class T nebula for almost 24 hours, no problems from that. Engineering corrected the issue with the starboard nacelle when they did all their other repairs, and it's good to go again." Tom gave both the helm and medical updates. "There were three injuries yesterday caused by the hull breach on deck two, all three crewmen have been released from sickbay and will make full recoveries. Two are already back on duty, the third was ordered to not return to duty for 48 hours from the incident. The hull breach on deck one caused no injuries."

Chakotay sighed as Paris looked straight at him on the last sentence, and said briefly, "We'll get to that at the end, Tom." He did understand why everyone was waiting for his report, but he and Kathryn had spent over an hour the night before talking about everything and deciding what it was safe to tell everyone. And how to make it so that certain things got left out of reports.

Tuvok's tactical report simply stated that although one on one _Voyager _easily outmatched the ships from yesterday, it would likely be a losing battle if they faced five or more at a time. There was a possibility of outrunning them, as they seemed to only be capable of Warp 7, but they also had no idea how long it would take them to cross the Ungoliant Empire's space, or if they had bigger and faster ships.

Kim suggested and received approval for several scanning protocols once they exited the nebula, focused on watching for cloaked ships.

Chakotay sighed as everyone's eyes turned to him. "Due to an incident that I can't explain due to the Temporal Prime Directive, I know that it's a very bad idea for us to try to go through the Ungoliant Empire. However, I don't know anything else about it. We need to gather more information on this Empire, find out just how large their territory is and how easily we can go around it."

"Seven, Harry, once we leave the nebula I want full long range scans of the area. Look for any ships, other than the Ungoliant ones obviously, or any M-class planets. Hopefully we'll run into someone who can give us an idea of their territory." Kathryn pulled everyone's eyes back to her. "Tom, we'll travel on a course perpendicular to our previous heading and hope we don't accidentally cross the line. Any questions?"

"Ummm." Tom half-jokingly raised a hand. "Want to shed any light on your rather unusual entrance to the bridge yesterday? I've never heard anyone except my lady here call Chakotay a petaQ."

Kathryn actually flushed slightly. She had hoped no one had heard that over the klaxons. "Let's just say that particular event is also related to a temporal issue, and that it should not be mentioned in any logs. The Commander and I walked on to the bridge after being told of the hail, and that's all I want to hear about it."

The rest of the senior staff exchanged glances, curiosity shifting to understanding the instant the captain said not to mention it in logs. Tight-lipped smiles and nods passed around the table as they all realized both what must have happened, and that they would have acted the same way. Although no one was surprised when Tuvok spoke up.

"Captain, I feel it is my duty to remind you that any violation of the Temporal Prime Directive must be documented, and the offending crewmember reprimanded." Tuvok said calmly, an eyebrow raised.

"I am aware of the directive, Mr. Tuvok." Kathryn said calmly. "Would you believe me if I said there was no violation, but that due to the third section of the directive the incident must be left out of our logs?"

Chakotay repressed a smirk, realizing what she was doing. She had implied that something was true without actually lying about it. Although if he had picked up on that, and Tom had as well if the man's grin was any indication, Tuvok surely would.

"You have never, to my knowledge, lied to me." Tuvok responded blandly, speaking as carefully as she had. It was obvious that he saw through her wording, but that he would go along with her wishes on this matter. "I will make certain there is no record of certain events."

"Very good. Any other questions or comments?" Kathryn gave Tuvok an understanding nod as she spoke to the room.

"Neelix wanted me to remind everyone about the party in the mess hall tonight, starting at 1900." Tom chimed. "He thinks it will be important for morale that all the senior officers make at least a brief appearance. And Captain, he wanted to make sure you remembered that you agreed to lead it."

Kathryn blinked. "Which celebration is it tonight?" Yesterday had been a long day, and she knew that she had agreed to lead no less than three of Neelix's little events over the next few months.

"The Bajoran Gratitude Festival, Captain." Chakotay responded with a flash of dimples.

"Oh, that's right." Kathryn sighed. "At least I know what this one is about, unlike some of Mr. Neelix's other excuses for a party. Everyone, make sure you put in an appearance tonight. Dismissed."

"So what exactly is this one about?" B'Elanna could be heard asking as everyone except Chakotay and Kathryn filed out of the room. "And if it's actually from the Alpha Quadrant why is this the first year we're celebrating it?"

Tom's laugh could be heard echoing. "Obviously Neelix has been playing in the cultural database again. Hell, there's enough info in there he could probably find something to celebrate every single day."

A Klingon curse word was the last thing the command team heard before the door swished shut behind their officers.

"That went a lot better than I thought it would." Kathryn said with a sigh as they both rose to stare out the viewport

Chakotay smiled. "They're curious obviously, but they all understand what happened and that the less they know the better. They all know they would have done the same thing."

He had told her it would probably be this easy, and although she had wanted to believe him, had expected Tuvok at least to demand answers. She took a deep breath and nodded as she grinned at him. "So, what are you going to write on your renewal scroll?"

"I don't know. I can't think of any problems I need burned away at the moment." He chuckled as they headed for the bridge. "Up until last week it would have been 'fraternization rules.'"

They were both laughing as they hit the bridge and headed down to the command deck.

Kathryn slowed as she noticed Ensign Tabor at the engineering station, and put a light hand on the man's shoulder. "Peldor joi."

The Bajoran spun to face her with a huge smile on his face. "Peldor joi, Captain. Will you be at the Festival tonight?"

"I wouldn't miss it." She smiled in return, leaning close to whisper conspiratorially, "Besides, if I'm not there Commander Chakotay would have to be the Presider, and I've heard his Bajoran is terrible."

Tabor laughed briefly before freezing in discomfort, realizing he was laughing at the expense of a senior officer. Kathryn just shot him a wink before heading for her chair.

She certainly was in a good mood today. Actually, she had been all week, Tabor realized as he turned back to his station. The rumors that she and Chakotay were officially together were getting easier to believe. And if this is what she was like when she was in a relationship, all Tabor could think was that he really wished his former captain had jumped her years ago.

=/\=

Silence spread through the mess hall as Naomi rang the gong that Crewmen Celes had brought from her quarters for the occasion.

Tal Celes herself stood with Tabor and Garron; the three Bajorans had huge smiles on their faces as they waited at the foot of the small dias Neelix had set up at the head of the room. The captain stopped beside them for a brief moment as she headed towards the dais.

"Are you sure one of you doesn't want to do this?" Kathryn offered softly. "This means more to you three than anyone else."

Garron shook his head at once and Kathryn wasn't surprised, there was no way the shy young man could stand up in front of everyone. Tabor shook his head as well.

It was Tal who said just as softly, "You may not be Bajoran, but you're our leader. It's traditional for the ranking spiritual or military person among the gathering to burn the first scroll."

"Apologies in advance if my pronunciation is off, I know what the words mean but I don't actually speak Bajoran." Kathryn grinned, grateful when they grinned back.

Kathryn took her place on the dias, nodding her thanks to Naomi as the child stepped back from the gong.

"Tesra Peldor impatri bren." She spoke the Bajoran words carefully as she poured the vials of blue and clear liquids into the glass tubes at the top of the bronze brazier in front of her. "Bentel vetan ullon sten." The brazier ignited with flames as the two chemicals mixed, and as the three Bajorans started clapping the rest of the room joined in.

Kathryn picked up the rolled renewal scroll next to the brazier, the scroll she had already written two simple words on. Her eyes locked on Chakotay's, and she smiled as she concluded, now in Federation Standard, "I have the honor of placing the first Renewal Scroll into the fire. As the scrolls burn, may our troubles turn to ashes with them. Enjoy yourselves tonight, everyone." She broke eye contact with Chakotay to bestow a smile on each of the Bajorans that had moved up to the very front and center of the crowd. "And may the Prophets walk with us."

"What does the opening mean?" Chakotay asked Tal as the captain stepped down and others began moving, some towards the blank scrolls on the table nearby, others to the food tables.

Tal smiled. "Show gratitude for life's gifts. Fire purifies the heart."

"Pretty." Chakotay smiled as Kathryn appeared at his side. "A sentiment my own people would agree with."

"Well?" Kathryn grinned at Tal, and it took the young woman a moment to remember the captain's comment from right before the ceremony started.

She smiled back. "Your pronunciation was perfect, Captain. Thank you for doing this for us."

"My pleasure. It's a lovely sentiment for a celebration, especially for this crew." Kathryn slid her hand into Chakotay's. "Besides, I have a lot to be grateful for right now."

Tal's eyes flicked away nervously. She was obviously caught between wanting to say something and not being too familiar with her captain.

Chakotay took her off the hook. "Well, we should mingle, and let you do the same. Paldor joi, Celes."

She smiled shyly as she returned the blessing and the three separated.

Chakotay took two glasses of whatever it was Neelix was pretending was Bajoran spring wine, passing one to Kathryn with a smile. They weren't holding hands anymore, but their body language spoke volumes to anyone who glanced in their direction. Which many did, although they tried to do so discretely.

"So is it like a birthday wish, or can I ask what you wrote on the scroll?" Chakotay asked softly as they drifted to the side of the room to watch the others enjoying themselves.

Kathryn smiled. "I'm actually not sure. But as you're the reason I was able to write both words, I think I can tell you."

There was something serious in her eyes that was at odds with her easy expression and open body language. He brushed the backs of his fingers lightly across her cheek, briefly but tenderly. He still wasn't sure how comfortable she was with such things around the crew. "You don't have to tell me." He offered gently. "I don't even think I'm writing one myself, I can't think of anything I could put on it now."

She gave him the smile she shared only with him, placing a hand on his chest briefly before lowering her voice, leaning into him enough so that she wouldn't be overheard. "I only wrote two words on it. Fear and Guilt."

His smile was breathtaking, as was the awe and tenderness she saw in his eyes. "I'll help you with those anyway I can."

"You already have." She said softly, enjoying the brief contact of their shoulders bumping before she drew away just enough that they weren't touching.

The crew knowing they were together was one thing, she knew the rumors were already flying after their date at Sandrines earlier in the week, as well as the fact that they were sharing dinner in one of their quarters every night instead of just once a week. She didn't mind them knowing, not really, in fact she had been amused by the betting pools and gossip she had heard over the years. At least, she had been amused when it wasn't making her sad. If only she had had nearly the personal life everyone thought she did.

She was drawn out of her thoughts as music started over the comm system, music that definitely wasn't Bajoran.

Chakotay smiled as he saw her look. "Tom asked Celes and the others, and they said that although music and dancing wasn't normally a part of the Festival, many of the things that were wouldn't make sense or be enjoyable to anyone but themselves. I think they plan to get together at some point and do those things, but they agreed with Tom that this was a nice mix of Terran and Bajoran customs."

"Leave it to Tom to find an excuse to play 20th Century music." Kathryn chuckled. "He's done it enough times I'm actually starting to learn some of what must be his favorite songs."

"Dance?" Chakotay offered a second before the music changed to something with what he believed Tom had once called a Latin-beat.

Kathryn laughed as Tom shot out onto the hastily cleared dance floor, trying to teach others what she recognized as a salsa. "Raincheck. For something where we won't kill each other's toes."

Chakotay laughed with her as B'Elanna and Harry joined them, the former shaking her head even as the latter watched the dancer's feet in fascination. "Not joining them?"

"Not even if I could." B'Elanna grimaced as she patted her rounded belly.

"Tom tried to teach me this once." Harry laughed in embarrassment at the memory. "His conclusion was that I had two left feet, no rhythm, and looked vaguely like I was having a seizure."

The other three officers burst into laughter, and Harry joined them after a minute. They continued their friendly chatter as they watched the dancers.

The party was still in full swing nearly two hours later, and Kathryn noticed without surprise that it seemed to be mostly due to Tom's music. All the scrolls had been burned, all the food eaten. Well, all the food that wasn't tainted with Leola root at least, which for once had actually been most of the food. Kathryn offered up an absent prayer that Neelix was finally running out of the horrible root, and joked to Chakotay that maybe he should have written a scroll after all and put Leola on it.

Chakotay laughed with her, "Maybe I should have. He's gotta run out of it eventually though." He shifted his attention from her and their quiet table in the corner, glancing towards the dance floor and the dozen waltzing couples. It was one of the few types of dancing he had seen tonight that he actually knew how to do.

Kathryn followed his eyes. "I'll cash in that raincheck if they play another waltz."

He nodded, moving his eyes back to her, noting the way her eyes were shining as they shifted from the dancers to the others just milling about before looking back at him. "I'm glad you've had a good time tonight."

She grinned at him, her leg brushing his under the table. "I really have. I always left these parties early, thinking the crew couldn't really unwind if I was here. It looks like they are anyway, I guess it's hard to tell without a basis for comparison."

He chuckled. "I have a basis for comparison, and the crew is just fine with you being here. Maybe in the first year or two that wouldn't have been the case, but…"

She smiled as he trailed off. "Like you told me, we're a family. All of us, including me. It just still feels a little wrong for them to see me like this." She took his hand across the table even as she spoke.

"You're happy when they are." His dimples flashed as his thumb rubbed over her knuckles. "And the reverse is true also. They can still respect and obey you as the captain while knowing you're a woman as well. In fact, it helps them relate to you more to know that you have needs and desires just like everyone else."

Her eyes heated on the word desire, and suddenly a mischievous glint came into her eyes as he saw her mind kick into gear. "Is B'Elanna still here?"

He blinked at the change in topic, still trying to calm his heated blood from the look she had given him. "Uh, yeah, I think so."

Her grin turned devilish. "I'll be back in a minute. Need another drink?"

He shook his head at the offer and watched her saunter away, exchanging friendly words as she passed people on her way to B'Elanna. A puzzled and curious expression showed on his face, but he knew better than to ask what she was up to. She was definitely up to something, and the look in her eyes told him he would likely enjoy the outcome of whatever she was plotting.

When she had that look in her eyes, she could outwit Tom Paris himself. And had, he let his mind drift back as he waited for her to return. The first time he had seen that particular look was when she had looked up from a pool table after potting multiple balls on her break. He remembered how everyone except Tom had burst out laughing as a mischievous glint replaced the obviously feigned innocent excitement in her eyes.

He chuckled into his drink as he remembered the first thought that had run through his mind when she asked for his stick. Although he had recovered quickly with a proper response, he had found his mind doing a double take at the innuendo once he realized that she had actually known it was called a cue.

"What's so funny?" Kathryn smiled at the far-away look in his eyes as she rejoined him at the table.

"Oh, I was just remembering some other good times." Chakotay felt a slight blush rise to his cheeks, but the room was dim enough he hoped she wouldn't notice. "That was fast."

"Just had to give B'Elanna a secret mission." She smirked at him. "You'll find out soon enough. Dance?"

He smiled and rose, holding out his hand. The last few songs had been slow ones, and it sounded like the one just starting up was as well.

They were both lost in each other's nearness as they headed towards the dance floor and didn't notice Tom whispering into his communicator, although they did notice when the song that had just been starting shifted to a different song.

They both froze for a moment, both their minds immediately jumping to the idea that this was a joke and dreading to hear what song was about to start. They were both surprised when it was another slow, pretty number, but shrugged it off as they moved into each others arms and began to dance.

Only a few lines had been sung before Kathryn realized they had indeed been set-up, but not in the way either had thought. She chuckled, "Listen to the words."

His thoughts filled with nothing but her closeness, he tuned in at her comment just as a strong female voice sang, "As we swayed to the music and held to each other, I fell in love with you."

"This has Tom Paris written all over it." He said softly, still listening to the singer, who was now questioning if she could have this dance for the rest of her life.

They shifted from waltzing to something simpler as the song continued on, and much like when they had danced at Sandrine's ended up body to body, her head on his chest while his rested against her hair. Words floated around them, singing of the closeness and realization that a single dance had caused. Other couples drifted to the song as well, although everyone who was not dancing was staring at their commanding officers, smiles on their faces.

They drew apart slightly as the singing stopped, the last chords of the music still drifting through the room as their eyes locked. Much like the last time they had danced, their eyes held for a heated beat and Chakotay's heart leapt as she gave the tiniest nod.

His hand slid to her cheek as he lowered his head again, and he felt her fingers teasing the back of his neck as she tilted her head up and met his lips in a tender, gentle kiss.

The music faded into silence, and they were still kissing many seconds later when the silence was broken by a wolf-whistle and a single person clapping. That obviously jerked the rest of the crew out of their shock, and their lips parted just as a wave of ever growing applause rippled through the room.

Kathryn's cheeks flushed and she rested her forehead against his chest for a brief moment, then decided what the hell and rose on her tiptoes to kiss him again.

The applause faded into the background of her mind and although they kept the kiss soft and gentle, still aware of their surroundings, Kathryn felt desire swelling up through her entire being. She felt it from him through the pulse of his neck, the burning hand on her lower back, the fingers that now caressed the side of her neck as well as her cheek.

And she knew tonight would be the night that all the lines fell away.

=/\=

To be continued….

* * *

AN2: Thanks to the wonderful ladies at Koffee Klub for their awesome list of J/C songs, which is where I found the song used in this part. As I'm not a huge fan of songfics I didn't want to put the whole song in, but here it is for those that were curious.

_Could I Have This Dance_

_Sung by Anne Murray_

_Words and Music by Wayland Holyfield and Bob House_

I'll always remember the song they were playin'

The first time we danced and I knew

As we swayed to the music and held to each other

I fell in love with you

Could I have this dance for the rest of my life

Would you be my partner every night

When we're together it feels so right

Could I have this dance for the rest of my life

I'll always remember that magic moment

When I held you close to me

As we moved together, I knew forever

You're all I'll ever need.

(x2) Could I have this dance for the rest of my life

Would you be my partner every night

When we're together it feels so right

Could I have this dance for the rest of my life


	9. Home

Disclaimer: Star Trek Voyager and its characters belong to Paramount, the writers, and whoever else can legally claim it. I am writing for fun and not profit. I'll return them to their owners if I can ever manage to convince them they'll be happier there.

AN: Thanks so much to everyone for their kind reviews and feedback, they've meant the world to me and really helped me write this story much faster than I probably would have otherwise. This will be the final chapter, now I just need to figure out what to work on next. Other than 25 Moments, obviously, I mean another big story. Oh, and mature content warning. In fact that's pretty much all this is. Although since it's ffn I try not to get too descriptive. (Yes, I know there are very very descriptive stories on here, but I try to only bend rules in half not break them into smithereens. I really need to find somewhere else to post stories so I can do more NC17 stuff.)

This one is dedicated to all my fellow VAMBies for giving me a new home that I totally love, as well as inspiration for future stories.

* * *

Parts of You

By Lady Callista

=/\=

Chapter Nine: Home (It's Not Lightyears Away, But As Close As Someone's Arms)

=/\=

"Are you okay?" Chakotay asked softly as they left the mess hall hand in hand.

She smiled briefly, though her cheeks were still pink. "With kissing in there? Of course, I wouldn't have done it otherwise. I guess I just didn't expect everyone to react like that."

He grimaced, that actually had been a little embarrassing, even for him. "I don't think they'll do it every time, it was just a congratulations of sorts."

"Plus a few of them probably just won quite a few replicator rations." Kathryn said casually as they entered the turbolift. "Deck 3."

He gaped at her as the lift traveled the one deck down to their quarters, and the door had opened again before he managed to reply. "You know about the betting pool?"

She laughed loudly. "I've known about, well I can't say all of them, but probably most of them over the years. Both the ones relating to us and the other ones."

"There were other ones?" He laughed with her, amazed that she had known and not done anything. He had actually always assumed she didn't know because one, the pools didn't get cancelled, and two, Tom was still alive and not missing any body parts.

"Well, there have been a few about other couples, and Harry actually had one going on Tom and B'Elanna for almost two weeks before they found out about it. And then there was one for a while on how many times I would touch you during a duty shift, and…"

"And it didn't bother you?" He cut her off, the look of surprise on his face increasing as she bypassed her quarters and continued on to his own.

"Not really." She smiled as she followed him into his quarters. "I know it's not appropriate really, but the crew needs something to entertain themselves with out here, and it's not like any of them were done with malicious intent."

Chakotay just grinned and shook his head. "That's true, I just guess I didn't think you would be okay with it."

She raised an eyebrow at him as she crossed over towards his couch, making herself at home. "I assumed that was why you never informed me of them. I had to use B'Elanna to make my bets over the years."

Pure shock showed on his face even as he walked over to join her on the couch. "You what?"

She laughed and curled into his side as his arms slid around her. "I used B'Elanna to place my bets. I couldn't exactly do it myself, but you know I can always use more coffee rations."

"You only bet on people besides us, obviously." The shock was rapidly turning to amusement. He had wondered why there were some months when she wasn't begging him for extra rations because she needed more coffee.

Her head tilted up, eyes glinting mischievously. "Until tonight."

"The current pool is when we'll go public with our relationship." Chakotay burst out laughing. "That's why you wanted to talk to B'Elanna tonight. You had her place a bet on us for tonight, knowing that you were going to kiss me there."

Kathryn grinned, her fingers beginning to sketch random patterns across his chest. "Well, we have been using a lot of rations with all our private dinners. I told B'Elanna she could have 20 percent of my winnings. Not that she would have said no to placing the bet either way, but I told her to consider it a baby present."

"I imagine she always found it amusing that Tom thought he was hiding it from you, and you were winning credits from it." Chakotay said, twitching slightly as her fingertips trailed over one of his nipples. Deciding two could play at that game, he started trailing his fingers up and down her bare arm and was quickly rewarded when she shivered against him.

"It did appeal to her." Kathryn grinned, shifting her head until she could nibble at his neck. "Said it was a tactic almost worthy of the Maquis."

"So is what you're doing now." He chuckled, feeling himself becoming more aroused as her attention shifted from his neck to his earlobe.

She drew away to bat her eyes at him. "I don't know what you're talking about."

"Your innocent voice needs work." He informed her mildly as he trailed his fingers back up her arm to let them play along the side and then back of her neck. "So not that I mind, but why are we in my quarters instead of yours?"

The smile she gave him was smoldering, as was the look in her eyes before she leaned in to whisper in his ear, "Because I've always dreamed of our first time being in your bed."

He froze for a second, shuddered as his ardor exploded, then locked his arms around her as he dragged her mouth to his for the most intense kiss they had ever shared.

Lips nibbled, tongues tangled, and hands roamed and gripped as they slowly began to explore each other.

Chakotay's hands cupped her cheeks when they finally had to pull apart to breath, and as he rested his forehead on hers he couldn't help but whisper, "Be sure."

Kathryn trembled in his arms as one of his thumbs traced over her lips and his other hand slid behind her neck, massaging gently. "I love you."

"I love you too." Chakotay pulled back just enough to look into her eyes, the desire he saw burning in them almost making him lose control. But despite how long they had been friends, despite even how long they had been in love, they'd really only been together like this for a few weeks. "But…"

She laid her fingers over his lips. "I love you, and I want you. Slow or fast?"

He blinked at the devilish twinkle that was back in her eyes, and before he could formulate a response she had shifted on the couch until she was on her knees, then swung one leg over him until she was perched over his lap.

"How about a little bit of both?" She answered her own question as she threaded her hands into his hair and dove back into another searing kiss.

"Kathryn." He moaned when their lips separated again, his hands clenching on her hips as she lowered her body until their cores brushed. "If you want to make it to the bedroom, we should move now."

She laughed even as she disentangled herself from him, rising and leading him into the bedroom. "If we were twenty years younger we'd probably be tripping over everything between here and the bed as we tried to get there while making out."

He grinned as she toed her shoes off. "If we were twenty years younger we would have stayed on the couch. Or at the very least I would carry you to bed."

"I'm sure you could still carry me if you wanted to." She grinned back as she watched him slip his shoes off as well. "And I guess we're probably both a little too old for up against the wall as well."

His eyes heated, and she took an involuntary step back as he stalked towards her. Chakotay put his hands on her hips, slowly backing her up until she hit the wall.

Kathryn's joking mood vanished in a passionate moan as his hands slid tortuously over her body while avoiding all the areas that begged for his touch. His eyes locked on hers as he took her hands and slowly pinned them above her head, his hips pinning her to the wall at the same instant, showing her just how much he wanted her. "Oh, I don't know. I kinda like this idea."

She shivered at the darkness in his eyes, quickly reevaluating as nerves danced in her stomach. She had known they would be comfortable together, and she had known it would be fun. But she had expected her gentle, slightly subservient friend, not the passionate and nearly overwhelming warrior who now had her pinned against the wall.

Chakotay sensed her nervousness instantly and reigned himself in a little. "You asked fast or slow, and we've waited so long I think this is going to be fast no matter what our intentions are." He leaned down to kiss her lightly, the angle slightly awkward with how much shorter she was. He breathed lightly across her ear as he whispered, "Now let me ask you a question. Will you let me have you like this? Will you trust me enough to let me show you just how much I love you?"

She shuddered under him, her body answering for her as she arched her pelvis and began rubbing against his thigh. Still, she knew he would need the words. "I trust you. I love you." The idea of letting go completely, letting him take control, was immensely appealing. Mark had never been able to match her here, and her time with Justin had been incredibly brief. And she had never trusted anyone more that she did Chakotay.

Chakotay dropped her hands then, pulling her into his arms and kissing her deeply. "I've waited so long for this."

Kathryn slid her hands over his chest, making quick work of the buttons of his shirt even as her mouth traced over the skin she was exposing. "I've wanted this for so long. I'm sorry I was so afraid."

"Shhh. We're here now, that's all that matters." He said breathlessly as her mouth latched unto one of his nipples, and his hands shook slightly as he unzipped the back of her dress, tracing blunt nails along her spine and making her shiver against him.

"We have forever to go slow, right now I just want you inside me." Her voice was husky as she reached for his pants even as she felt him unclasping her bra.

He groaned at her remark, and eager hands flew until they were both naked. Chakotay's eyes skimmed over her, taking an instant to marvel, and he managed to whisper that she was beautiful before he pinned her to the wall again.

He used one hand to pin her arms above her head again, the other trailing burning paths up and down her body. She gasped at the contrast of the cool wall behind her and the heat pumping off of him. He rubbed his thigh against her center again as his hand found her breast, and her gasp turned to a moan. "Please, I want you inside me."

He chuckled. There was fast, and then there was fast. But he wasn't going to cheat either of them out of the pleasure, at least not as long as he could hang on to the last threads of his own control. Besides, he knew he wouldn't last long once he was inside her. It had been too long, and he wanted her far more than he had ever wanted any woman.

He shifted his body to kiss her more easily, one hand still pinning her wrists above her head as the other shifted to cup her. He swallowed her moan with another chuckle.

Kathryn broke the kiss with a gasp as his fingers slid inside of her. "Not… quite what I meant."

Chakotay released her wrists as he sank to his knees, nudging her legs further apart to blow warm breath across her most sensitive area. "I want to taste you. Besides, you're too short for this position unless I pick you up."

"I'm not too short, you're too tall." She countered before his mouth joined his fingers and she lost all capacity for thought.

Her body was still tingling and her thoughts floating in a cloud of light when he lifted her still shuddering body into his arms and turned to lay her gently on the bed. His touch was almost reverent; watching her let go completely and come undone under his gentle touches had been the most beautiful thing he had ever seen.

"That was…" Kathryn tried to gathered her thoughts enough to speak. "That…"

"Shhh." He whispered as he covered her body with his own, supporting his weight on his arms as he kissed her gently. "We're not done yet."

She smiled as their eyes locked, and she reached down to play her fingers over him lightly before she guided him into her body. He slipped into her in silence except for their deep sighs, and his only thought before he lost the last threads of his control was that he felt like he was home.

"_A part of you has grown in me. And so you see, it's you and me._

_Together forever and never apart, Maybe in distance, but never in heart."_

=/\=

The End


End file.
